


Matters Of The Heart

by Accio_Me



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Happy Ending, I don't like Pettigrew, M/M, Male Slash, Prophecy, Secret Keeper, Slash, THEY DESERVE IT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-04-22 19:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 37,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14315970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accio_Me/pseuds/Accio_Me
Summary: Remus struggles with his feelings for a certain charming wizard and Sirius is as ignorant as ever. But what will happen if they follow their feelings, but still put their trust in the wrong person? (AU ending)





	1. Graduation

**Author's Note:**

> This story is an old one. I wrote it in 2014, so it is possible that the grammar isn't as good as you might be used to. I'm not a native speaker and around 2013 maybe I started concentrating on improving my English grammar in preparation for my Master degree. I did not go through the entire thing beforehand, as I have a few other things that need my attention. I just wanted to upload it on here as people quite liked in on FFnet.  
> This story follows the main canon facts, differs in some and has an AU ending.  
> I will update weekly.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Which is sad. I know.  
> Another disclaimer: I case you didn't check the tags or the listed relationships - this story contains slash. If you're uncomfortable with it, this story isn't for you.

**Graduation**

"I don't get it. I guess I'll never get it," Lily shook her head as she eyed Remus glaring into Sirius' direction, who was busy chatting up some girl he met a few minutes ago.

It was graduation day and all of the seventh-years, as well as their families - may it be magical or Muggle folk - were laughing and hugging each other in front of Hogwarts castle. Several rows of white chairs had been put in front of a small podium, on which the graduates would soon get their diplomas and the Head students would hold their speech about possibilities, friendship, love and future.

Getting the news that Lily and James, being Head Girl and Boy, would be the ones to hold speeches about a bright future for every one of the students, they had had serious problems of keeping their straight faces. A bright, peachy, happy future while in the middle of the upcoming war between Good and Evil? Yeah, right. They didn't have the slightest clue as to who would actually believe what they were about to say, but what could they do? It was a tradition each and every graduating generation of students had happily followed and they wouldn't be the ones to break that tradition. The wizarding world was all about traditions, after all, even Lily knew that much.

It didn't take her long to figure it out, though. It was pretty obvious with all the blood purists radical views and exclamations on 'the good old and pure wizarding society' and those few poor souls whose parents still made betrothal contacts with other poor souls just for political power. At least that's what she thought those contracts were for.

Lily frowned as she saw Remus huff and march away to God knew where. Sirius was still flirting with that Muggle sister of a classmate. She shook her head. It couldn't be more obvious that those two liked each other. Remus might be the one accepting it, though. Watching Sirius flirt his way through the female population of Hogwarts was a pretty good sign for his ignorance or renouncement. Either way, he didn't act like Remus wanted him to, which made each contact between those two as awkward as can be.

James shook his head and pushed a strand of jet-black hair out of his face. "I'm just as lost as you are with this." He came to terms with this situation surprisingly quickly. Lily had told him her suspicion one evening in the Head's Common Room in front of the warm fire and he had listened intently.

Although being brought up by relatively old parents in a very bourgeois society, the thought that his two best friends might be slightly different didn't scare or disgust him in the slightest. He nodded every now and then, a concentrated look on his handsome face. After listening to Lily's assumptions he nodded again and looked her in the eye.

"You know, I think you might be right," he said, pushing his round glasses up his nose absentmindedly. "I've always asked myself why Padfoot goes through girls like Peter does with sweets..."

Lily eyed his expression closely, only finding honesty and loyalty in his hazel eyes. "You wouldn't have a problem with it if it were true? Which we don't know for sure," she stressed as she watched her boyfriend smile his sweet, loving smile.

"Why would I have a problem with it?" He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her onto his lap. "If that's what makes them happy I'm the last one to stand in their way."

He smirked as he thought of the multiple times he had caught Sirius staring at Remus whenever he was sure the latter wasn’t looking, an off expression on his face. He had just waved it off every time James had tried to ask him about it, whether everything was okay, but he had always replied that it was. James didn’t have a problem with it if his two best friends happened to like each other on a more… complex level than just friendship.

Lily smiled and locked her arms around his neck, looking him in the eye. "You are amazing, do you know that?"

"I've heard that much a couple of times." He laughed as Lily hit him upside down his head.

"Idiot," she mumbled as she closed the gap between their lips.

"They are even more stupid than I thought they were," James sighed loudly as he saw Remus push his way through the throng of happy students who were too busy introducing their families to their classmates to care whether or not Remus would get injured on his rather brutal way towards them.

"What is it with Sirius and his obsession to woo everything that has the potential to wear a skirt?" His handsome, yet slightly scarred face twisted into an ugly frown. "Can't he at least control his hormones or whatever it is that is influencing him at his graduation? Isn't it enough that he had practically had every single female student Hogwarts is currently inhibited by? Why does he have to continue on with their families as well?"

James and Lily exchanged a look, trying to keep themselves from smiling.

"It is Sirius we're talking about. What did you expect?" James snickered; Lily hit him in the arm.

"Well," Remus stuttered, without taking his eyes off Sirius who was now being introduced to a second girl the first one obviously seemed to know by the looks of it. "He could at least try to make it less obvious. It might be painful or embarrassing to certain people."

"Like who?"

"James!" Lily hissed as she glared at his mischievous grin.

Remus frowned and lowered his gaze.

No, he wouldn't tell them. He wouldn't tell anybody. Ever. Not even his best friends. He wasn't even supposed to feel this way. He had never felt this way before his last year at Hogwarts. Of course, he had never said no to getting dressed in the same room as his roommates in the dormitory, but why would he? He was a guy, they were guys and there was nothing they had to be ashamed of. Seeing each other in boxer shorts became daily routine, which nobody seemed to mind at all.

Until that one day he caught himself staring at Sirius' flat stomach. His black haired friend hadn't seemed to notice, which had been good. Being caught in a situation like this, no matter if the one catching you was yourself, was embarrassing beyond believe. From that day on, he noticed something different about himself. Waking up from pleasant dreams of one rather good-looking wizard, watching classmates walk by, more or less ignoring the female population...

At first, he hadn't wanted to accept this change. He was a guy and guys were supposed to like girls, or at least that was what he had been told from early on in his life. He had been convinced that he liked girls; he had even dated a few of them.

To be honest, the relationships never went far and weren't of long duration. Every time his current girlfriend wanted more than just cuddle und the occasional kiss, he had made it a habit to break things of before they could get out of control. But that had only been self-preservation, or at least he had told himself that at that moment. Later on, he had used to just ignore the stray looks of appreciation he shot towards the 'wrong' gender, as his trained mind had always called it, and do it off as random moments everyone had been in at least once. There was nothing wrong in watching you classmates, after all.

Thinking about those things now, he could say with clarity that he had rarely ever felt before that those excuses had been just that - excuses. Deep down, he had always known that there was something different about him, something that made him somewhat special. His conscious mind on the other hand had ignored the signals and had led him into believing a lie - until that very moment in the seventh years' dormitory with a half-naked Sirius standing in the middle of their bedroom, a wet towel in his hand and a huge grin on his face as James had just suggested their next prank.

Remus sighed as Dumbledore took his place on top of the podium and both the students, as well as their families started to look for good seats. Turning around just in time to see Lily gesture for the front row, he dragged himself after the young couple, mourning his dilemma.

Having a crush on a friend was one thing, but having a crush on a straight friend, without anyone knowing about his sexual orientation was a whole different matter. He knew that he had to tell them at some point. Maybe not straight away and maybe not Sirius, but James and Lily deserved to know. It would do him good to be able to tell someone without being judged or laughed at for his 'abnormality'. Second abnormality, he thought grudgingly as he let himself fall onto an uncomfortable chair next to Lily, who was holding hands with and whispering into the ear of James, who had a concentrated frown on his face.

Remus' eyes travelled over the couple next to him in involuntary search of the other black-haired and good-looking friend. He sat between James and Peter, a rather satisfied expression on his handsome face. Remus grumbled something unintelligible under his breath as he forced his attention towards Headmaster Dumbledore, who had just began with his graduation speech.

"Seeing all of you fine young men and women in front of me fills my with so much proud, I cannot tell you how happy I am for all of you. Seven years ago, we didn't know each other. We have all just met, getting in contact with each other, but we have grown to love and respect one another as one big family. We have had our share of annoyed grumbles during classes, shed tears during exam periods and laughter during welcoming feasts.

You have found friendship, rivalry and love, been through stress, pain, fear and happiness and yet here you are, about to graduate from the school you have lived in for the last seven years of your lives and move on to a world you have yet to get to know. But not everything will be well and uncomplicated. Finding jobs won't be the biggest challenge you will have to face.

Living and studying behind Hogwarts' safe walls will no longer be an option for you. The threat the wizarding world has to deal with at the moment will hit you and it will force you into actions you may not want to do, but will have to nonetheless. You have the means and the knowledge that you need to defend yourselves and your families, never forget that.

Being out in the real world, getting to know what it is really like, feeling the threat, the fear and mistrust even among friends will be shocking and you will think back to the 'good old days' at Hogwarts and look back with a smile.

Therefore I wish each and every one of you the best and brightest future. Find love, marry and start a family. Live a normal life despite everything that is going on and never forget: Hogwarts will always provide help for those who seek it."

Applause erupted and everyone stood up to cheer. The rest of the ceremony went by surprisingly fast. Before Remus knew it James and Lily went onto the podium and held their speech about the bright and successful future they wished everyone, no matter their grades. The future was about making plans and sometimes even mistakes. After another rather loud round of applause - Sirius had made so much noise an annoyed Professor McGonnigal had had to put a Silencing Charm on him - the diplomas were handed out by the Headmaster and then it was time to say good-bye to the families and start packing for the trip home the next day.

*~*RSJLH*~*

“What do you think how he is doing?” Lily gazed into the bright, flickering flames as she sat snuggled against her boyfriend’s side, who had an arm wrapped tightly around her. The Head’s Common Room was filled with the dim, but warm light of the freshly lit fire, casting shadows over the maroon red walls and furniture.

Taking a deep breath, James turned his head slightly to the side, so he could watch Lily out of the corner of his eye. “I don’t know,” he said sincerely. He wished he knew the answer to that question. He’d love to say he knew how his best friend felt, but that would be a lie. He was never one of those people who kept his feelings bottled up inside of him. After just a few weeks of his first year, literally the whole school had known about his infatuation with one Lily Evans. To be honest, he hadn’t acted as if it had been a huge secret.

But what his friend went through… He could say that he probably understood his hurt and pain better than anyone else. Having the one person you adore ignoring – or in James’ case hating – you and your feelings, it could be tough. He knew that Sirius didn’t do it on purpose. He didn’t know what Remus felt for him. How could he? Remus made it a habit to not tell anybody, although it was obvious what he was going through and what was going on inside his head. The aching looks he sent the oldest Black, the flicker in his eyes…

“I wish I knew.”

“Me too.” Lily snuggled further into the warm embrace and inhaled James’ scent deeply. It calmed her down and reassured her that, no matter what went wrong, it would be alright. She felt safe in his arms and she knew he would do anything for her, even if it cost his own life. That thought had made her feel uneasy and it still did to some extent, but she knew for quite a while now that she would do exactly the same, and that made that thought bearable.

“We have to do something!” She cried out after a few minutes of content silence. James jumped. “I can’t watch him suffer like that! He doesn’t deserve it. He has enough to worry about, without that thing with Sirius to add to it.”

“But what _can_ we do?” James asked, as his heartbeat went back to its normal pace. “How can you make your gay best friend come out and your straight best friend turn gay?”

“I think I might have an idea…”


	2. The Train Ride Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter! Enjoy :D

**The Train Ride Home**

„Okay, maybe it’s more difficult than I thought it would be.”

They were standing in the Entrance Hall, watching Sirius run ahead to catch a carriage and Remus try to busy himself with talking to a fellow prefect, his face betraying his supposed calm behaviour. So neither dropping hints like crazy, nor telling them straight out that they should maybe meet up during their free time until all of the interviews began hadn’t worked out quite so well.

Sirius had only laughed, hit James rather painfully against his still throbbing shoulder and announced that of course was he going to meet up with Remus, with the upcoming full moon and all that and whether they had lost their right mind to forget about something as fun as that? Remus had only mumbled something nobody had been able to decipher and after Sirius asking him what he was muttering about, he had yelled ‘Nothing!’ and had taking refuge in a small group of fellow prefects that had wanted to see him off.

James rubbed his shoulder gingerly and scowled at his withdrawing friend’s back. “I think you might be right about that. Oi! Are you coming or what?” He called out, causing Remus to hurriedly bid farewell to his friends.

Scampering after them, Remus made it to the carriage James and Lily had strolled towards, only to stop abruptly when he saw its inhabitants. Sirius sat in it, right next to Peter, who was busy watching some girl out of the carriage’s window. James was chatting with Sirius as Remus took a huge gulp of air. Lily turned around and raised her brows. “Everything okay?”

 _How can she ask something like that?_ He thought panicked, his eyes jumping back and forth between Sirius talking with James and Lily, who was looking at him expectantly. They had just made an utter fool of him and she was asking him if everything was okay? _They didn’t know better! It was only an innocent suggestion. Sirius hasn’t read anything out of it. You’re overreacting!_ Nodding inwardly, he smiled shakily as he climbed into the carriage, nearly tripping over the last step. _React, muscles!_ He kept screaming at himself, but the mere sight of Sirius being in such close proximity to him was mind numbing. Not good.

Chuckling weakly, he let himself sink into the seat next to Lily, who was eyeing him suspiciously. _Please, don’t ask what’s wrong! Please_ , he chanted desperately, trying vainly to make himself relax and look normal. Still feeling the red head’s eyes on himself, he turned around casually and decided it would be best to just concentrate on the landscape between Hogwarts and Hogsmead. After all, it may be a very long time until he’d see it again; if he was ever going to see it again.

Sirius’ laugh made his stomach lurch unpleasantly, his heart stop for a moment and his breath get caught somewhere between his lung vessels and his throat. He forced himself to start breathing again.

*~*RSJLH*~*

Dragging his heavy trunk after him had never been so fulfilling and satisfying in his whole life. Puffing out a gust of breath, he straightened and looked at the scarlet steam engine waiting for them to board. A nostalgic smile sneaked its way onto his face. It had been seven years ago that he had stood in front of that very same train and looked up to it, trying to get up his courage and climb onto it and find a compartment before it departed without him on it. But today it wasn’t fear that kept him from boarding, it was sadness. He didn’t want to leave that particular part of his life behind himself. He had made friends here; he had met people who weren’t afraid or disgusted of what he was. Hogwarts had been his home for nearly half of his life.

Watching the other students push their way through their classmates, he made himself move forward and prise his trunk up the metallic stairs leading into the body of the steamer. Shuffling through the corridor in search of his friends, he tried to summon his Gryffindor courage, just like all those years ago. He would have to sit in one compartment with Sirius and the others. He had done so before, he told himself as he reached the compartment door behind which he could her Lily’s unmistakable trilling laughter, immediately followed by James’ deeper, rich one and Sirius’ bark-like laughter. Peter’s chuckle was difficult to hear.

He took a deep breath. He had done it before and it had never been a problem. So why would it be one now? _Because of your different being_ , a nasty little voice whispered in some part of Remus’ brain. He shook his head hastily and tried to calm down his hectic heartbeat. What could happen, really? The question earlier had been out of mere curiosity, he was sure of that. They had gotten their answer, so why would they continue to ask embarrassing questions?

Wiping all nervous and generally negative feelings from his face and putting on a small grin, he took one last big gulp of air, raised his hand and pushed open the door.

*~*RSJLH*~*

Lily continued to study Remus’ behaviour. As he had slid open the compartment door, dragging his heavy trunk in right after him, he had looked just like he always did – a small smile on his face, eyes bright and alert, but something was different about them. Somewhere deep down in those light brown depths, there was something – an emotion – she couldn’t quite make out. Was it apprehension? She couldn’t quite tell.

Throughout their conversation, he had somewhat gotten used to the fact that the others wanted him to participate in their chat, throwing in a comment here and there, but never seeming nervous or cautious. He was his usual self, if one ignored this little spark in his eyes – which Lily, being Lily, couldn’t ignore. Something was wrong and she was pretty sure she knew what that something was.

Deciding that she wouldn’t make this situation even more awkward than it had to be for him, she promised herself that she would have to talk to James once more about how they would confront Remus about their suspicion. And this time do it properly.

*~*RSJLH*~*

“… and I told him he couldn’t just follow that poor girl around the village. It would be creepy as hell. But he wouldn’t listen to me and ended up being smacked unconscious by a third year,” Sirius laughed so hard he had difficulties telling this tale to the end. Tears of mirth ran down his pink cheeks as he retold the incident during their last Hogsmead weekend; a conversation he had had with a shy fourth year, who had come up to him in the dubious and slightly insane belief that Sirius could actually give him some proper girl-advice.

“No way, he didn’t!” James’ eyes were watering like crazy as he clutched his side.

“Yeah, he did! Told me it was my fault, because I told him he should watch her and find out what she liked and stuff. Said it had worked out all right with you two,” he winked cheekily at the couple sitting on the seats in front of him.

James laughed, Lily turned beet red.

“Shut it, Sirius.”

“Oh, touchy.” He cackled as he dodged Lily’s small fist that had been flying into the straight direction of his face. “Watch it, flower. You may hurt yourself.”

Remus rolled his eyes at their bickering and snickered as Lily jumped up from her seat and threw herself on top of a laughing Sirius, causing them both to fall onto the floor in one big mess of tangled limbs.

“Oi! Get your hands off my girlfriend!” James cried out and started to tug randomly at arms and legs that were sticking out of the heap on the floor.

Remus sighed and seriously considered for a moment whether taking his current novel out of his trunk to get some interesting and somewhat intelligent happenings insight his head would be a good alternative to what was awaiting him in the middle of the compartment, but as he watched a cackling Sirius reach up and get a hold on James, who then tumbled onto the mess of people on the ground, resulting in an aggravated huff from Lily, who claimed that she was not getting any air into her lungs because of the heavy guys on top of her, he decided against it.

Looking around the compartment for possible means of help, he spotted Wormtail, who had pulled his legs towards his chest and eyed the rumpus in front of him with rapid eyes. No, he thought, he wouldn’t be of any help in this. Rolling up his sleeves, he took a deep breath and started to pull on what he thought was James’ left leg in earnest. With one last, powerful tug, he stumbled backwards and took James with him, who then landed on top of him, pushing all of the air out of his lungs in the process.

Remus grunted and tried to push his best friend off him, who seemed to be quite disorientated by his sudden change of location. Hearing a muffled groan underneath him, he looked down to see a slightly blue Remus lying under him.

“Oh, Merlin. Sorry, Moony!” He scurried off hurriedly and helped the sandy-haired boy to his feet, making sure the swaying was because of the train’s movement and not from the lack of oxygen. “You okay, mate?”

Remus nodded absentmindedly and gestured towards Lily and Sirius, who were still having a wrestling match in the middle of their compartment. Exchanging a look of unsaid agreement both of them charged towards the respective girlfriend and best friend and pried them from each other.

A tousled and grinning Sirius took a deep breath and clapped Remus on his back. “Well done, mate. Well done.”

“Thanks,” without falling into the certain shock he had been anticipating, he felt more alive than he had in a whole year. A slight blush adorned his cheeks, but he could always make the struggle on the floor responsible for it. He felt good.

James helped Lily to her feet as they watched their two friends interact. They had to make a decent plan to get Remus admit his situation and to get Sirius act accordingly, or at least understanding. They would have to work on it soon, because they didn’t know whether they would have that much time once they started being a part of ‘the real wizarding world’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this one!  
> Until next time - see ya :D


	3. The Secret Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On we go with the next chapter! Enjoy!

**The Secret Mission**

Humming, Remus pulled a small container with loose tea in it out of the cabinet in his shabby apartment somewhere just outside of London, as a brown owl rapped against his kitchen window and asked to be let inside. Frowning, he put the kettle of water on top of his stove and went over to the plain window to allow the owl in. It was carrying a letter. It bore no symbol on the wax seal, nor did it have any indication on the envelope whom it might be from.

Keeping an eye of the nearly boiling water, he settled himself down at his little table and broke the seal curiously. Who would want to write to him apart from the Marauders and Lily?

The parchment was heavy, but nothing special. You could buy paper like that in every stationary shop that sold quills and other utensils. Unfolding it, he gazed down onto the unmistakable handwriting of non-other than Albus Dumbledore.

_Dear Remus,_

_I hope you are doing well and life as a graduate and fully educated wizard is good to you._

_You may wonder why I am writing you this letter and I indeed plan on telling you, but you have to understand the current political situation we are in. You know that the wizarding world is facing one of the probably biggest challenges it has ever met and therefore I ask you to come by and see me at my office this afternoon for tea._

_I cannot tell you what this is about, seeing that this owl could be intercepted, so I ask you to come and see me personally._

_In hopes of seeing you soon,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

*~*RSJLH*~*

“I think the best thing to do is to just ask them directly,” James gathered the dirty dishes standing on the kitchen table and carried them over to the sink where Lily was standing, watching him with a serious expression. Right after graduation James had asked her whether she wanted to move in. They were of age, out of school and a couple who was about to begin their respective apprenticeships in the Auror department and St. Mungo’s. They were ready for this step.

“I hope you mean speaking to them separately,” Lily took the dishes out of James’ hands, piled them into the water in the sink and handed him a towel. “I don’t think it’s the best idea to talk to them while they’re in the same room, or even in the same house.”

“I know, but I just think that it’s the best way to go about it. To ask them straight out instead of constantly dropping hints,” James said as he wiped a wet plate dry. “Otherwise Remus would just think we’ve lied to him and Sirius would officially declare us insane.”

Nodded thoughtfully, Lily rinsed a fork and handed it to James. “But how should we go about it? We’ll have to start with Remus, obviously. If we’re all wrong in our suspicion than we’d just make an even bigger fool out of ourselves if we run straight into asking Sirius what his feelings are for Remus.”

“That’d be awful,” James mumbled and stowed the fork into the nearest cabinet. “Maybe we should invite Remmy over and just have a cup of tea, telling him that neither Sirius, nor Peter could come due to some Order business. He won’t check whether that’s true or not. And then we’ll slowly direct the conversation into the right direction; tell him how great it is to have a partner in life to share one’s thoughts with, to always have someone to talk to without having to throw floopowder into the fire beforehand… you know, something like that. Maybe we’ll get him to open up that way.”

Lily sighed and nodded, as she pulled the plug. “I think that’s the best we can come up with at the moment,” she agreed and wrapped her still wet hands around James’ neck, causing him to wince.

“You’re dripping water down my neckline,” he mumbled. A shiver went through him as a cold drop of water ran down his spine.

Lily smiled coyly and took hold of his hand, pulling him towards the hallway. “I think I need to wash the dirty water off of my hands. Do you mind helping me with it?”

James gulped, but followed his girlfriend dutifully out of the kitchen, trying not to imagine what would happen now…

*~*RSJLH*~*

“Come in,” Remus took a deep breath, put on his trademark smile and entered the Headmaster’s office. It hadn’t changed at all during the last year he hadn’t been here. The weird ticking and chirping objects were scattered all over the room, standing crookedly on top of bookshelves, sturdy old tables and cabinets. Some of them puffed out a gust of steam every now and them, followed by a high squeak.

“Remus! What a pleasure to see you. Please, do take a seat,” Dumbledore stood up from behind his desk and motioned him towards a comfy looking leather chair that had been positioned in front of his desk as long as Remus could remember.

“Thank you, sir,” he mumbled as he let himself sink into the soft leather. Sitting up straight, he turned towards the wise old wizard, who had taken his seat by now as well. Not wasting any more time than needed, he got straight to business. “What is it you wanted to talk to me about, sir?”

“Ah, a man of matters,” Dumbledore smiled as he studied him over the rim of his half-moon-shaped glasses. “Well, to answer your question directly, I have a mission for you, which I hope you’re going to accept.”

Blinking, Remus looked at Dumbledore. The old man returned the look with a brilliant smile on his lips and the well-known sparkle in his eyes. Remus cleared his throat and asked the obvious question. “Which is?”

Dumbledore’s smile brightened and he stood up to walk to over to the window. His gaze travelled over the lands of Hogwarts, over the Quidditch pitch and stopped at the Forbidden Forrest. His eyebrows twitched into a slight frown, his smile darkened.

“As I am sure you know, Remus, Lord Voldemort has gained power pretty quickly during the last year. It is alarming how many followers he’s been able to gather around him.” He turned around and studied Remus through his brilliant blue eyes. The sparkle he had seen just mere seconds ago was gone.

“As you have told us during the last Order meeting,” he said, not understanding what his old Headmaster wanted him to say. “But what did you want to talk to me about? This is obviously not something the Order’s supposed to know. Otherwise they would be here in this room as will, right?”

Dumbledore smiled a tired smile as he conjured an equally comfy looking chair right next to Remus’, ignoring his throne-like chair behind his desk. He lowered himself onto it slowly and sighed. “You are right, Remus. You see, Voldemort did not only gain followers within the wizarding community, but also in the ranks of creatures. No, let me finish,” he added, as Remus opened his mouth, confused. Yes, even that he already knew. Dumbledore had told the entire Order what creatures Voldemort had managed to convince. Giants, vampires and trolls were only some of them.

“He was successful once more,” Dumbledore’s voice was low, nearly a whisper.

Remus frowned. “And what does this have to do with me?”

Dumbledore smiled his sad smile, causing Remus to dread whatever was coming next. It couldn’t be good. “Voldemort has gained his trust among the werewolves.”

 _Well, shit_ , Remus thought immediately. Now he knew why he was the only one that had been summoned to the leader of the Order of the Phoenix. He was supposed to spy on them. Dumbledore wanted him to spy on Voldemort’s new followers; him being a werewolf made him just perfect for the job.

Remus sighed. Dumbledore nodded. “There is a pack in northern Scotland. The leader goes by the name of Fenrir. Fenrir Greyback.”

Remus’ mouth dropped open. “ _What?”_ He knew that man! How could he not? He had been the one to condemn him to a life full of secrets, lies and _pain_. “You want me to become a member of Greyback’s pack?”

“I know how you must feel right now, Remus, but you must think about –“

“You know _nothing_ about how I feel right now,” Remus hissed as he pushed his chair away from him, jumped up and began to march through the office, in search of some sort of answer, a reason as to _why he had to do this._ “That man ruined my life, Dumbledore! He turned me into a monster and you want me to walk up to him, demonstrate my loyalty and become _his personal servant?_ ”

“I do not ask such thinks of you –“

“Yes, you do. Do you know what it is like being a part of a pack? Those people don’t live like normal wizards. They despise them! They live in the woods, live of dead animals if you’re lucky. With Greyback as their Alpha, they probably live of human meat! They’ll ask me to kill someone to show my loyalty and willingness to do whatever the Alpha may ask of me.”

Dumbledore lowered his gaze and nodded mutely. But Remus wasn’t done yet. “And I won’t be able to end someone’s life like mine has been ended that night all those years ago! Not being able to infect someone with the curse or kill some innocent soul while under the direct order of the Alpha is a sure death sentence! They’ll kill me immediately.”

“I am aware of the possible risks this mission implies, but I wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t think you’d be able to accomplish this task. Remus,” Dumbledore said in a low, soothing voice and beckoned the irritated young wizard to take his seat again, “I have faith in you and your abilities. I wouldn’t ask you to do this if it weren’t of utmost importance.”

The younger wizard glared at him. He couldn’t believe it! Dumbledore just asked him to join his creator, to be ready to kill someone _for the greater good_ and to, if it was necessary, sacrifice his life, because that’s what would happen if he ever blew his cover. White hot anger boiled up in him, making it nearly impossible to think straight. His rational self told him in a calm voice that Dumbledore had to have his reasons and that those reasons where more important than his fears, that he should just go ahead and help the Order, but his other half, the angry and hurt one, screamed at him to leg it.

Looking out of the window of the elder wizard’s office, his gaze wandered over to the Shrieking Shack that could be seen in the distance. The Forbidden Forest couldn’t completely hide it from view. He smiled softly as he remembered all those times James, Sirius and Peter had accompanied him during the full moon, risking their lives to make his time less painful and lonely…

Remus sighed deeply as he let himself fall into the chair dejectedly. He knew he didn’t have a choice. The Order didn’t have another one suited for this mission and not doing it at all may have severe consequences. Dumbledore had his reasons for everything he decided to act upon and this, he was sure, was not an exception. Not accepting the mission might result in the deaths of many, many innocent people whose lives could have been spared if he’d only agreed to do it. He mustn’t think about himself in this matter. This war was bigger than anyone, especially bigger than him, and he had to think about the bigger goal, or what Dumbledore always called it ‘The Greater Good’. He knew he had to do it; he had to enslave himself to his most _hated_ enemy, to gain his trust to find out worthy information; information that could help the Order win this war as soon as possible.

Remus sighed loudly. Rubbing his eyes to dispel the sudden tiredness this realization had brought him, he looked Dumbledore into the eye and nodded warily. “I’ll do it.”

“Are you sure about this, my boy?” Dumbledore asked and put his hand reassuringly on Remus’ shoulder.

He nodded.

“Very well,” the wise wizard concluded. “Then I must ask of you one last thing.”

Remus didn’t have the strength to object anymore. He just waited for his verdict to be announced.

“You mustn’t tell anyone about this, you hear me? Nobody is allowed to know about what we just talked about.”

“I won’t.”

“I don’t know whether you understood correctly, Mr Lupin.” Remus looked up, confused and slightly irritated that Dumbledore chose to make this next part less personal.  “When I say nobody must know about this, it also includes your friends.”

Not telling his friends something as big and consequential as this? He could possibly die while on this mission and his friends weren’t even allowed to know in how much danger he was in right now? He scowled. He didn’t like this. He didn’t like this at all, but what alternative did he have? Let the world be flooded over by Voldemort’s followers, although he might have had the opportunity to prevent it? No, that wasn’t an option – he knew it and Dumbledore knew it and he hated that man even more for his mind games than he usually did.

Straightening his back, he tried to accept the possibility that he might not see the day that Sirius Black told him he liked him back. Swallowing, he tried to talk around the huge lump that was locking his throat shut with emotions. He wouldn’t be able to be with Sirius, to tell him how he felt, to feel him wrapping his arms around his body…

“I won’t,” he said. His voice didn’t waver one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it!
> 
> Until next time - see ya :D


	4. Conversations Amongst Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go - a bit earlier today since I'm not traveling xD Enjoy!

**Conversations Amongst Friends**

„Thanks for coming over, Padfoot.“

„No problem, Prongs,” Sirius stepped over the threshold and watched James close the door behind him. “Are you alright, mate? Is something wrong with Lily?”

“No, everything is fine, I promise.” James’ smile was honest and Sirius started to feel his tense muscles relax.

“Thank Merlin, I thought you’d have been attacked or something as you flooed me earlier.” Sirius puffed out a gust of breath he hadn’t realised he was holding and started to follow a slightly nervous James Potter into the living room where Lily was sitting on the couch, reading a book.

“Sirius, what are you doing here?” She stood up and kissed him on his cheek. “We weren’t awaiting you until later this evening.”

Sirius gaze zoned in on James, who was fidgeting behind his girlfriend, making desperate hand gestures that looked suspiciously as if he was trying to get rid of a nasty horde of wasps. Beaming his most charming smile at Lily, he gave her a hug and laughed lightly. “I just thought I’d come over earlier. Something told me you missed me and needed to see my overly handsome face. After all, you’ve been stuck with that idiot of a boyfriend for some time now.”

Lily rolled her eyes and turned around to James, who immediately stopped fighting insects and smiled innocently at his girlfriend. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, shrugged and turned towards the hallway. “I’ll leave you two to it then,” she called over her shoulder, as she left for the study.

“Phew, that’s been a close one,” James sank down into the soft cushioning of the sofa and buried his face in his hands.

Feeling slightly worried, Sirius sat down at his feet and gently pried James’ fingers from his friend’s face. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

James smiled and nodded. “More than alright, to be honest. I’m just nervous, is all.”

Sirius frowned.  “What is it?”

Taking a deep breath, James grinned at his dark haired best friend sitting in front of him on the carpet. “I want to propose to Lily.”

Sirius choked and started coughing violently. After what felt like an hour of coughing, retching and being hit painfully hard on his back, he sat up and studied his blushing friend through watering eyes. “You’re serious?”

“Do you know how weird it is hearing you say that?” James laughed. “And yes, I am serious. And that’s why I asked you to come over earlier. I don’t know how to do it!”

Sirius gaped. „You’re really asking me how you should go about proposing marriage to your girlfriend!?”

James’ grin widened even further. “Yup.”

“You’re insane and I love you for it!” Sirius cried out and jumped on top of James, who fell over the back of the couch and landed on the floor with a cackling Sirius still on top of him. “You got any ideas as to how to go about this?”

“No! That’s why I need your help, man. I’ve been mulling over this for a couple of months now and I just can’t come up with something that I know for sure is going to make her say yes. Well, I know what will make her say yes. At least, I think I know. Oh, Merlin, what if she won’t say yes? What if I’ve read the signs incorrectly and she doesn’t want to take the next step in this relationship? What if she sees this as an opportunity to finally break up with me? What am I supposed to do, Siri? I can’t live without her!”

Sirius smacked his rambling friend upside down his head to get him back to earth. “She won’t break up with you, okay? You’re made for each other! I’ve thought so all those years back and I still think so now.”

James sniffed. “You’ve always told me ‘that ginger chick isn’t worth my time’.”

Sirius blinked. “Well, yeah, but that was before I really saw you two. Anyway, my point is that you two are a happy couple, the happiest and most gut wrenchingly sweet couple I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. And now listen to me, Prongsie boy. She won’t break up with you and she won’t say no. She’ll be your fiancée sooner than you know it.”

“Thanks, mate.”

“Hey, no problem. When do you plan on proposing?”

“Tonight, after you guys went home,” James sat up slowly and rubbed his neck nervously. “I’ve got the ring and flowers already in the dresser under my Invisibility Cloak. Do you think I should wait until a better time? Maybe ask her out for a romantic dinner with candles and violin music and extremely expensive food that not near enough to fill your stomach, but looks good nonetheless?”

Sirius smiled at his friend, who started tugging at his hair, which was in constant danger of being ripped out of his skull. “No, man. I think the timing already is perfect. You’ll see, everything will be fine. Trust me.”

*~*RSJLH*~*

“The food was delicious, Lily-flower.”

“Thanks Sirius,” blushing slightly, she looked over to James, who nodded.

“You two go over into the living room while Sirius and I do the dishes, right Padfoot?”

Said man blinked confusedly, but nodded nonetheless as he saw James beg him with his eyes. “Sure thing. You two go on. We’ll manage.”

Lily narrowed her eyes suspiciously, but seemed to deem it not worthy to answer back.

*~*RSJLH*~*

“Do you have any idea what is up with Wormtail? I haven’t seen him in weeks.” Sirius frowned at the towel that James had just handed him.

Opening the tap, James shook his head no. “No idea. We’ve send him an owl and asked him to come over, but we didn’t even get a reply. I hope everything is alright and he isn’t in some sort of trouble.” He picked up the first bowl and dipped it into the warm water.

“I hope so too. Without having us at his side to get him out of it makes me kind of nervous, to be honest. Especially in a time like this… with Death Eaters and Voldemort lurking about practically everywhere. Poor Wormy could be in trouble.”

“Or he could be on one of Dumbledore’s Order missions,” James reasoned. He had to admit to himself, he didn’t feel well with the lack of information either, but there always needed to be someone bringing the logical thoughts into a conversation. He hated to be that person when his instincts screamed at him to throw this saucepan onto the floor, grab Sirius and Remus and hurry the heck out of the house in search of Peter. Lily needed to stay safe. He wouldn’t want her to endanger herself.

As if hearing his direction of thought, Sirius asked him the question he had dreaded the whole evening. “So, do you have everything set up for the big moment? The plan set and learned by heart?”

James fidgeted with the sponge in his hands as he watched Sirius balance the clean plate on two fingers. “Yeah, I think I do. I have the ring, the bouquet und die bottle of wine upstairs. When you two are gone, I’ll ask her whether she’d like a glass of wine and when she says yes I’ll run upstairs, get everything I need and hurry back down. I’ll stow the ring in my pocket and the flowers behind the chair underneath my Cloak. Then I’ll ask her whether the bottle of wine is alright or whether she wanted to rather drink white wine. Then I’ll go get the glasses and build up my courage.”

Sirius nodded. “Yup, sounds good to me. Hey, don’t worry. Everything will turn out fine. You’ll see. That woman loves you!”

James laughed nervously and stopped himself at the last second before he ran his wet and soapy hand through his messy hair. He was a mess.

*~*RSJLH*~*

“So, how are you doing? You’ve been awfully quiet tonight.” Lily sat down on the soft couch and patted the spot next to her.

Remus smiled and took a seat. “Oh, I’m alright. It’s just hectic, with the Order and the war and all. Everywhere you look, people shoot glances over their shoulders in constant fear of being attacked. You can’t even walk down Diagon Alley without getting paranoid and thinking that the war had only just begun…” He sighed.

“I know what you mean,” Lily murmured. “James and I went to Diagon Alley the other day to get some groceries and some potion ingredients we were running out of. You know, just in case we needed to brew a healing potion or something. With James always having to go on those Auror missions, you never know when you need one.” She laughed weakly. “Anyway, we didn’t see even one person that was on their own. Everyone went in packs, always watching everything suspiciously and never stopping to say hello like they used to. They hurry to get their shopping done and apparate home. The Muggle attacks have only just begun and everyone is already acting like this. It’s frightening, but understandable.”

“Yeah, you’re right. It feels like something big is coming towards us, which he cannot stop.”

Lily nodded and struggled to find the right words. She wanted to use her chance while she was alone with Remus. James and she had talked about it; James would distract Sirius so Lily could ask Remus whether their suspicion was right or not.

“But let’s not talk about depressing things like that,” she said and sat up straighter, putting a reassuring smile onto her face. “Let’s hear about you? How is life treating you? Have your met someone special yet?” She winked at him and laughed lightly as Remus began to stutter and turn red.

“No, everything is like it used to be,” he murmured, trying desperately to keep from bursting out his little secret. He wanted to tell someone. It had been nearly a whole year since they had graduated and every now and then James and Lily, even Sirius at some times, had asked whether there was that certain special someone in his life. He wanted them to know, but he was too afraid of how they might react. He had found out at the beginning of his seventh year that he was different and keeping it a secret for so long was not exactly a sign of trust. His friends knew the worst part of him, three of the four had even seen him at his worst, but for some reason this mattered more to him than it should.

“Really? But there has to be someone you’ve had your eye on, I’m sure. You can tell me,” she said in a low and soothing voice as he lowered his gaze.

He felt ashamed. _But why?_ He asked himself. _They wouldn’t want a poof in their house_ , his inner nasty voice whispered into his ear, making him feel even more uncomfortable than before. _They are my friends_ , his normal thought-voice told the nasty one, fighting to get back some of the lost confidence. _They wouldn’t judge me by something I cannot control or influence._ But the nasty voice wouldn’t shut up. _How do you possibly know that for sure? James and Lily are probably going to get married soon if they continue on like this and Sirius is just not the type for a relationship, especially not with you._ Remus winced at the last comment. Maybe his inner mean voice was right? Maybe it was the reasonable one that used to tell him whenever he should intervene in a prank when it was in danger of getting too risky? Maybe it just changed when he changed?

“Remus?” Lily put her hand on his right knee and squeezed it lightly.

_She doesn’t understand. She won’t understand._

“Remus, please look at me.” After the next few minutes passed, he slowly raised his head and stared onto the wall opposite him. The clock on the mantel piece was broken. It showed two thirty pm, although it was already dark outside. “Whatever it is,” she said, as she gently turned his head towards her, “I won’t judge you. I promise.”

Remus swallowed. He was scared of what she might think of him. But this was Lily he was talking about – sweet, gentle Lily, who even gave Snape a chance to prove himself. He would tell her, he decided in that very second. He would tell her. She wouldn’t judge him, not for what he couldn’t control. She was his friend, who didn’t turn away from him or treated him any differently when she found out his darkest secret.

Remus took a deep breath to calm his racing heart. “I don’t know how to explain,” he said softly and his cheeks turned into a light pink.

“May it’ll help to start at the beginning?” She smiled lovingly at him and squeezed his knee again.

“Right, the beginning,” he mumbled, trying to figure out when this whole mess actually began. “Well,” he said, Lily continued to just sit there and wait patiently for him to begin his tale. “I guess it all started at the beginning of our seventh year at Hogwarts, or maybe at the end of the sixth year... I really don’t know exactly.”

And with that he jumped into his tale of catching himself watching more male classmates than female classmates, liking what he saw, starting to dream about certain things he thought he’d only dream about when it were girls having the chief part, up to his confusing inner fights between his nasty and reasoning voice, leading him into an even greater confusion than he already was in. Having two pretty handsome best friends didn’t help in that matter. He tried to explain how it happened that he had dared to just accept it, let these thoughts and dreams lead him and how he had felt after the realization that there was something different in him, something that he had learned to accept and live with.

“I didn’t know what was happening or why it happened,” he said with bright red cheeks, as he studied his hands that were resting in his lap. “I really don’t know what made me think that way, but I do know that I cannot change it. I’ve come to terms with it, to be honest,” he finished rather lamely. He didn’t dare to look up and see the disappointment in Lily’s bright green eyes. He wouldn’t survive a rejection like the one that was about to come.

“Oh, Remus, why didn’t you tell us earlier?”

He froze. His thoughts started to whirl in his head as if they had been chained into place before and suddenly let loose. She didn’t hate him? She didn’t find it disgusting? Revolting? Weird? His head jerked up as he felt Lily pull him into a tight embrace. He couldn’t believe it. She accepted it – she accepted _him_ ; even without giving him a scolding about keeping it bottled up for so long.

“You didn’t need to deal with this on your own, Remmy,” Lily let go of him, still holding onto his shoulders, but looking him into the eye sincerely. “That’s what friends are for, you know? To share insecurities with.”

Remus smiled shakily and blinked hurriedly to stop the tears from flowing down his red cheeks. He’d tell her. “If there wasn’t one certain problem.” His voice was quiet, almost a whisper, his chin wobbled slightly.

Lily’s smile was sad. “Sirius?”

Remus didn’t even consider wondering why she knew about his infatuation with the mischievous young wizard, but he didn’t really care either. He just nodded miserably and let the tears fall freely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!
> 
> Until next time - see ya :D


	5. The Proposal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I'm late.. I got some horrible news yesterday, so I wanted to stay with my family and not sit in front of a computer.   
> Anyway, here you go.

**The Proposal**

“It’s been nice having you over,” Lily said as she led Remus and Sirius into the hallway where they had left their cloaks. “Please do come over more often.”

Sirius laughed. “I will, even if it is only because of the amazing food you make.”

Lily blushed prettily and hit him in the arm. James wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her temple.

“Sirius is right, you know?” Remus fastened his cloak’s buckle and smiled gently at a red-faced Lily Evans. “You really are an amazing cook. James is lucky to have you.”

“Hell, yeah, he is,” Sirius cried out and slung an arm around his shoulders. Remus stiffened. “He’d starve to death otherwise. Have you eaten the stuff he creates after the procedure normal people call cooking? It’s frightening, really.”

“Oi, I’m right here, you know?” James scowled at his grinning friend. “Actually, if you have it, my porridge is quite alright, thank you very much.”

Lily giggled, turned around and kissed the tip of his nose. “Yes, I have to agree with that.”

“See?” James beamed at his friend, who rolled his eyes exaggeratedly and started to pull Remus towards the front door, never letting go of his shoulder, much to both Remus’ utter discomfort and breath-taking exhilaration.

Sirius winked at James and blew a kiss towards Lily, who smiled at him brightly. “See ya two around,” he called over Remus’ head and pushed the door open.

Remus tried to turn around in Sirius’ clutch and waved at the young couple, before he was being dragged away by a happily chatting Sirius.

*~*RSJLH*~*

“And gone they are,” said James as he closed the front door and turned around to see Lily standing in the hallway, smiling softly at him. “Now we have the rest of the evening to ourselves.”

Lily giggled as James picked her up and carried her into the living room, where he put her onto the sofa. “Seems like it.”

Once James had re-lid the fire and the room was warmed by the flickering flames, Lily smiled coyly at him. “So? Do you have any plans for tonight or is it just going to be a cosy evening in front of the fire?”

 _Now or never_. “Well, I thought maybe you’d like to have a nice glass of wine,” he said, stroking her cheeks lightly. “What do you say?”

She pursed her lips as if giving the suggestion some serious consideration. James tried to ignore his knees, which were slowly turning into mush. After some nerve-wracking time, Lily grinned, batted her eyelashes and chose to have mercy on her miserable looking boyfriend. “That sounds wonderful.”

Sighing in relief, he kissed her on the forehead one last time and stood up. “I’ll go get a bottle then. You wait here, missy.” He winked and disappeared into the hallway.

 _Okay, just calm down, Potter. Everything is going to be alright. You’ll just hurry upstairs, grab the things you need and go on with your plan. It’ll work out just fine. Just like Sirius said it would._ Exhaling shakily, he pushed open the door to their bedroom, hurried over to the dresser and pulled out the Invisibility Cloak first. He stared at the three items lying in the bottom drawer, covering blankets and jumpers; a bouquet of white lilies, a bottle of the most expensive red wine he could find and, most importantly and probably the scariest thing he had seen in a few years, the ring. James swallowed down the fear that threatened to take his breath away, reached for the ring and stowed in in his jeans pocket. He checked his reflection in the tall mirror standing in one corner of the room to see whether his jacket was covering up the bulge his jeans made where the ring was ’hidden’.

 _She won’t look directly at your pocket, man! Get a hold of yourself and calm the fuck down._ Sighing loudly, he hurriedly pulled the bottle of wine out of the cabinet, placing in on top of the dresser, so he could cover up the flowers once he was clutching onto them like a lifeline. Grabbing the bottle, he rushed back downstairs to find Lily humming softly to herself, eyes closed and enjoying the warmth the fire gave her. _You can do this! You’re a Potter and a true Gryffindor. You can do this_ , he told himself over and over again, but he just managed to get himself even more freaked out than he had been in front of that mirror upstairs.

Huffing at his own hideous behaviour, he sneaked past Lily, carefully, as to not make any rustling sounds with his jeans or the flowers, placed the bouquet under the chair that was standing directly next to the couch Lily was currently lounging on, and, content with the way he had hid part of his surprise successfully, he crept back to the door leading into the hallway. Making a little bit too much noise when he turned around the corner into the living room, Lily opened her eyes and smiled at him as he held up the bottle of wine.

“It took you quite a while. I was starting to get worried.”

James blushed slightly and went over to his girlfriend, _hopefully soon fiancée,_ and shrugged. “I couldn’t find the right bottle. We have to drink wine more often. We have way too much of it in the cellar.”

Lily giggled and nodded. “I don’t have a problem with it. Let me go get some glasses and then we can make ourselves comfortable,” she stood up, stopped to kiss James on the cheek and went through the room into the hallway, swaying her hips as she went.

James gulped. Feeling quite stiff and mushy and the same time, he shuffled over to the couch table, placed the bottle of wine onto its polished surface and looked around in search of a corkscrew. The fact that it took him a while to remember that he was a wizard and didn’t need a corkscrew to open the bottle just showed how nervous he really was.

Clangour told him that Lily had found the glasses. _Oh, crap._ A few seconds later, said red-head strolled back into the room, a gentle smile on her face and placed the glasses next to the newly opened bottle of red wine. James took a seat next to her on the couch, in reaching distance to the chair of course, and poured them a glass of wine.

“Here’s to you,” he said, smiling lovingly at the woman sitting next to him, the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

“And to you,” she replied.

Taking a curious sip, James decided that the wine was worth the fifty-five galleons and seven knuts he had had to pay for it. _I’ll wait for the right timing. I’ll let her settle down a bit, try to calm down myself and then I’ll make some use of that non-existing courage I have._

“I’ve talked to Remus,” Lily said as she had put her glass back down onto the table to snuggle up against James’ side instead.

“So? Did you manage to find something out?” He stroked her hair lightly, listening to the content hum that was coming out of the back of her delicate throat.

“I have, actually. First, we’ve just talked about the current situation, you know. With the war and everything. But then I’ve asked him whether there was someone special he was hiding from us. And we’ve been right.” She turned around slowly to look James in the eye. “He’s suffering, James. He suffered the whole last two years and didn’t tell us, because he thought we’d find it revolting.”

James swallowed.  “So since the beginning of our seventh year? Man, I didn’t notice anything different about him at that time.”

“Me neither,” Lily sighed. “You don’t have to blame yourself for this. It is our entire fault that he didn’t think he could trust us with something as important as this.”

“But what could we have possibly done to make him think so?” James wondered out loud. “We’ve always been on his side, no matter what. We didn’t turn our backs to him when we found out about his furry little problem. So why would he think we would do it now? I don’t get it.”

“I don’t know,” Lily’s voice was a mere whisper. “I don’t have the slightest idea.”

They sat there, thinking about Remus’ insecurities and how they could help him fight them – at least in Lily’s case. James on the other hand was getting more nervous with the second. _It’s a good thing that damn clock is broken_ , he thought as he glared at the old wooden clock that had been a gift from his parents when they had bought this little house in Godric’s Hollow. He didn’t really like it that much, but Lily adored it, so it stayed where it was.

Thinking that it was about time to act, James kissed Lily on the temple and murmured into her ear. “I have a surprise for you.”

Lily sat up, as James began to detach himself from her and slid onto the ground in front of the sofa. “A surprise?” She asked, grinning. She still wasn’t used to get surprises, but ever since she was in a relationship with James, her life was full of them – and she found out that she loved them. James was always so thoughtful in what he gave to her. Even the smallest little flower could turn out to be the most perfect gift if it came from his heart. And it did. It always did.

She smiled as James started to reach towards the chair next to the sofa. So he had something hidden there underneath the Invisibility Cloak, she thought amused, wondering what it could be. She was so busy thinking about what he could have hidden, she didn’t see James reach insight in pocket and pull out a small black velvet box, much to James’ liking.

With an elegant swish, he pulled the lilies out from under the Cloak – or at least he had planned it to look elegant. What he hadn’t planned to happen was that the Cloak got tangled up between the flower petals and the twigs, bending them. He cursed softly as he held the bouquet up for inspection. _It used to look better in my memory_ , he thought grudgingly. But seeing Lily’s face made him shoo that thought out of his head immediately. She giggled.

Summoning all his courage, he handed her the somewhat destroyed flowers, which she took with a big grin on her face and inhaled their beautiful scent. “Thank you,” she whispered softly. She loved lilies. He knew that.

Taking a deep breath to calm his overly excited heart, he got down on one knee, took hold of her hand and tried to ignore her dumbstruck expression.

“Lily, I want to tell you how happy you make me. You always have, even though at first you didn’t want to, with all the insults and so on.” He stopped. That didn’t sound right. “Anyway, I have loved you from the first time I saw you. That day on the Hogwarts Express so many years ago, when you entered, hair all fiery red, a shy smile on your face, I knew you were the one. My brain couldn’t really extract the meaning of my, at that time, quite illogical feelings for you, but with time it could. I have never felt that way for anyone other than you. I didn’t want to even look at another girl, although Sirius always tried to make me.

You are my pride, my joy, my rock and my soul. You have won my heart all those years ago and even if I had wanted to, I wouldn’t have been able to change it. I love you, Lily Marie Evans. I love you with all my heart and therefore I ask you, here and now; Lily Marie Evans, will you do me the unbelievably huge honour of marrying me?”

It was out. James could only feel his heart beating erratically against his rib cage as he let go of her hand to open the velvety box. Inside lay the most beautiful ring he had ever seen. It was made out of the lightest silver, shining in the dim light of the fire behind him. The emerald in the middle was of the size of a pea, surrounded by both small diamonds and rubies. Seeing this ring made him think of Lily, which made it perfect for her.

Shakily, he looked her in the eyes and froze. Tears ran down her beautiful pink cheeks, leaving wet trails in their leave. Her brilliant emerald eyes sparkled with unshed tears and something that made his heart swell too quickly, he doubted he would survive the next few seconds.

With a loud sob, she nodded frantically, unable to say a word. But it was answer enough for James, who took her hand in his slightly sweaty one and pushed the delicate ring onto her slim finger, feeling, as if he could conquer the world.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it. Some Jily action always lifts up my mood.
> 
> Until next time - see ya!


	6. The Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Onwards!

**The Letter**

He had put his arm over his shoulders more than he could remember, but something had been different this time.

Sirius pushed open his flat’s door and strolled inside, threw his cloak over the back of a nearby chair, kicked his boots into the nearest corner, shut the door and scurried over to his couch, sighing, as his back hit the soft cushioning. Glancing to his right, he fumbled with his wand and pointed it at the cold hearth, smiling contently as flames began flickering.

He had moved into this flat nearly a year ago, approximately around the time James and Lily had bought their little cottage in the small village Godric’s Hollow. He chuckled as he remembered Lily and James’ discussion about who should be allowed to pay for the house. James, being James, had demanded that he’d pay for it, seeing that he was the guy, it was his idea in the first place and he had a whole vault full of money, and that was only his own one. Even mentioning his family’s vault wouldn’t get Lily to accept the generous and, for James, self-evident offer to buy the house. Lily had remained her stubborn self and had bullied her boyfriend into at least letting her pay for the interior. He had accepted this suggestion grumpily, but what could he have done? You do not want the wrath of Lily Evans focused on you! He had learned that pretty quickly, thank you very much.

He sighed as his thoughts wandered from the happy, overly sappy couple to his other two friends, Remus and Peter. Peter was one thing he couldn’t understand for the life of him. During school he had always been nearby, if not following their every step. That had changed some time during their last year. He had been gone every once in a while, at the beginning it was ‘sometimes’ and with time it turned into ‘often’.

At first, they had thought he had finally been successful into bullying some random chic into dating him, but with time that suggestion seemed somewhat unbelievable. It was Peter they were talking about. And his behaviour didn’t fit either. The usual shy, meek Peter they all got to know as their friend had turned into someone slightly different. Someone, who didn’t laugh at all the jokes he and James made, who didn’t follow them around everywhere they went, who even sometimes answered back. It wasn’t a bad thing per se; it was just weird and unnatural.

Thinking about Remus made him remember what he had been brooding about when he got home. For quite some time now something was different in him, and he felt it becoming stronger every time he was with his friends, especially with one of them – Remus. He wondered whether that was because there were weeks he wasn’t able to go and visit them, see how they were doing, because of some Order business he had to attend. _No,_ he thought, _it’s been that way for a year now and things like that don’t change all of a sudden. On the other hand…_ wouldn’t he feel the same warm tingling when he saw James and Lily if it was him missing his friends? Wouldn’t he feel the urge to grin and hug and be near them as well, if it was him missing his friends? _Yes, he would_ , a soft voice in his head answered.

And he knew that he didn’t feel that way when he saw James and Lily again. He felt happy, exhilarated even, when he got a chance to see them again, but never had he felt that tingling feeling inside his stomach region… Being with him, being at Remus’ side just felt right. He had never felt anything like that before. Ever. And that was what was frightening him.

*~*RSJLH*~*

Remus closed his eyes as he savoured the warmth of his mug in his hands, the delicious smell of his tea in his nostrils. He felt himself calm down. The soft cracking from the logs in the fire was soothing, lulling him into a sense of safety, comfort and dull happiness.

Sirius had put an arm around his shoulder, he thought, inhaling another deep breath of sweet smelling steam, trying to calm his heart, which tried to speed up at the mere thought of that one black-haired man with the mischievous grin and flashing teeth. He sighed. It hadn’t been only the arm-around-the-shoulders part, but the whole evening if he thought about it. At the time, he had been way too busy keeping a short leash on his emotions and actions, as to not do anything he would regret afterwards, but letting this evening pass through his mind, he noticed something different about Sirius’ behaviour.

His brilliant smiles were brighter when directed to him, his laughter louder when achieved by something he had said, and his touches more often, though seemingly casual. It may be only his imagination, but he was almost certain that Sirius had acted differently this evening. And he had to admit, although it did confuse him to some extent, it also filled him with warmth. He liked it when Sirius noticed him, he liked it when he smiled at him and touched him, may it be only the softest brush of his fingers against his back…

But what had brought that change into focus? Or had he only been imagining it after all? He had been nearly desperate at that time, having seen his subject of affections after some very long and lonely weeks. He had buried his feelings for him all those years, but didn’t even manage two weeks of absence, because he couldn’t see him every day. _Pathetic_ , the nasty voice taunted. _You’re pathetic._

*~*RSJLH*~*

“So, when do you plan on throwing the wedding then?” Sirius took a sip of his firewhiskey and grinned at the newly engaged couple sitting in the love seat in front of the fire. Remus, Peter and he had been asked over, because James and Lily had some ‘big news to share’. Sirius, being Sirius, knew what kind of news that were, obviously. He had helped calm down the groom, after all.

Grinning from ear to ear, Lily turned to James, who shrugged. “During the next few months… We don’t know yet for sure, but you’ll be the first to know.” He smiled at Lily, who snuggled up against his side, curling up on the couch and admiring her engagement ring.

Sirius rolled his eyes, Remus snickered. He was so happy for them. They were perfect for each other and deserved one another. Dark times like this needed some happiness and joy. Peter squeaked his congratulations, smiling awkwardly all the while. Remus frowned. Peter had been acting weirdly for quite some time now and he was beginning to worry whether he was alright.

 _I’ll have to ask him later on, just to make sure_ , he thought to himself and jumped as he felt a warm hand on his knee, sending heat right into the core of his body. Looking up, he stared at a grinning Sirius, who was handing him his glass of firewhiskey, which he had abandoned on the couch table some time ago.

“Drink up,” he said, not removing his hand from Remus’ leg. He gulped as he took the glass shakily and held onto it desperately. What was going on? “Tell us, Remmy, when is your happy day, huh? And who is the happy one?”

Remus blinked dumbfounded at his crush, not really understanding what he was asking him. “I… I don’t know what you mean,” he managed to get out. His whiskey glass was starting to shake.

“I mean, do you have someone special in your life, so we can start planning your wedding soon?” He asked patiently, still having his warm hand on Remus thigh. Had it wandered upwards? Remus exhaled shakily.

“No, I’m single,” he mumbled, not quite willing to look Sirius in the eye while saying it. Something told him that his friend would be able to see right through him. And that wouldn’t just be awkward as hell, it would probably not end well either.

“Pity,” said Sirius, not sounding like it in the least.

Remus cheeks burned red, as he continued to study the carpet underneath them. _Don’t look at him or your leg or your glass or James or Lily or…_ He was getting desperate and he knew it. He didn’t care.

James and Lily exchanged a look as they watched the conversation that was going on in front of them. Peter had stood up a couple of minutes ago, saying that he needed to go, because his mother awaited him, and left the four of them alone. Which was good, James thought as he studied the two lovebirds before them. Peter would just make this whole situation even more awkward. He wasn’t that kind of person who knew when to just shut up and watch.

Lily saw James raise his brows and followed his gaze towards their two best friends. Remus was studying the carpet as if it held the answers he was obviously desperately looking for and Sirius was staring at Remus, his hand moving slowly but steadily upwards. It was now on his thigh and not on his knee. _Interesting._

Just as James opened his mouth to suggest that he and Lily leave those two alone, a loud sound interrupted the intense silence in the soon-to-be Potters’ living room. Everyone jumped. Sirius hand squeezed Remus’ thigh automatically, causing the young wizard to yelp and blush even more, before it was removed by its owner, who, as well, had a rather prominent blush adorning his pale cheeks.

Lily stood up, scowling at the brown owl that had disturbed the moment, marched over to the window and opened it, letting the innocent-looking owl inside. It was carrying a letter with a red wax seal on it, nothing else. The owl swooped over to Remus, who was still clutching his whiskey glass in his hand, and let the letter drop down at his feet. His heartbeat got faster, if that was even still possible. He knew that owl and he knew that kind of letter. It was time.

Gulping, he put his glass back onto the polished surface of the wooden table, picked up the letter, broke the seal and began to read.

_Remus,_

_I fear it is time._

_Kyle of Lochalsh._

_Good luck. I count on you._

_Dumbledore_

“What does it say?” James frowned as Remus just continued to stare at the parchment in his hands in shock. His hands were trembling slightly. His blush was gone and long forgotten; all of his blood had left his face, leaving behind a deathly pale Remus. “Who is it from?”

“Hey, you okay, mate?” Sirius soft voice ripped him out of his state of shock. He blinked at them like a deer caught in headlight and took a deep breath, then another one to calm himself. It wasn’t working.

He smiled shakily at his friends, who studied him with worried expressions. “Yeah,” he said, clearing his throat, as his voice came out as a squeak. “Yeah, I’m alright,” he tried again, this time, his voice sounded nearly normal, just a little breathless, as if he had just ran a marathon. Which he had probably done without noticing, he wondered grimly, considering the way he felt right now.

“It’s nothing. At least nothing that’s important enough to tell,” he looked into their worried and confused faces, deciding it was best to just tell them, he weren’t allowed to know. “I’m not allowed to tell anyone, you know?” He rubbed his face with his hands and pushed the letter into his jeans pocket, standing up slowly and walking over to the door, leading to the hallway. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, “I hope you understand,” leaving his dumbfounded friends behind, wondering what was wrong with their friend…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it!
> 
> Until next time - see ya!


	7. Realisations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand there we go! Next chapter is up!
> 
> Sorry for the delay, guys. Either way, I'll always update this story on the weekends, whether it will be on a Saturday or Sunday. My life is pretty hectic right now and I have a lot on my mind, so I won't be able to promise weekly updates on Saturdays but weekly updates on the weekends :)
> 
> Enjoy!

**Realisations**

_It’s been six weeks already and I haven’t even managed to find out anything_ , he grumbled silently as he tried to not lose his lunch at the sight before him. Greyback had accepted him pretty quickly into his pack, knowing very well who he was. He had had great pleasure in recounting his attack on ‘a tiny half-blood wandering through the forest all by his own’. Remus had barely managed to keep from jumping at the man’s throat. He had continued to tell himself that if he did, he would not only disappoint Dumbledore and prove that he wasn’t even good for something only he could do, he would also have died within two seconds.

 _Well, maybe I did find out something after all,_ he lowered his gaze and turned around. _Let them have their meal_ , he thought as his _fellow servants_ – he nearly threw up at that thought – devoured a young girl’s corpse. _They are all very loyal to Greyback, they don’t think about the fact that certain orders from their Alpha could mean severe consequences; like killing this Muggle girl. They aren’t very bright folks, but I shouldn’t underestimate them. They do whatever he says and they don’t care whether it means they die or survive. Also, they were only too excited with me joining the pack. One grin from Greyback and we were all the best of friends._ Although there had been some fights for dominance, he had to give them that. Scowling, he rubbed his shoulder.

“Newbie,” one of the girl-eating monsters called. Remus knew he meant him, but didn’t want to react. He knew what this was all about. “Hey, come on over and get something to eat,” he shouted over the disgusting sound of his peers eating, “she’s delicious.”

Remus held his hand over his mouth to stop himself from vomiting. “No, thanks,” he croaked back, trying not to inhale too deeply. “I’ve had lunch already.”

“Pity.”

 _Yeah, certainly,_ Remus huffed.

Rustling leaves announced the arrival of the Alpha. The response was immediate. All of the beasts stopped eaten, leaving half a girl, covered in blood and innards, lying of the floor – one of them even stepped into her open stomach in order to reach their leader sooner than his peers – and hurried over to the spot where a tall and hairy man stepped out of the woods onto the clearing some of them were living on.

Remus, having no other choice but to join, stood up from his log and moved over to the part of the clearing where all the rest was currently muttering excitedly, gazing at their leader with loyalty, respect and quite a visible insanity.

Greyback was a tall, relatively big man, but Remus was sure that underneath that filthy skin, there wasn’t one gram of fat. His light blue eyes as cold as ice; the malicious grin on his face showed a row of yellow teeth. His hair was matted, covered with dirt and leaves, probably not washed for at least a year. And he stank.

“My fellow werewolves,” his voice was loud and without any emotion. His glare travelled over his pack, standing, hovering in front of him, eager looks on their faces. “I have some news.”

Excited chatter filled the air around him, as Remus tried to remember every word said for later inspection of his memory in Dumbledore’s pensieve.  Greyback held up his filthy hands, his nails were as long as claws, causing Remus to feel a shiver run down his spine. He stood up straighter and tried to stay calm. This could be something important and he didn’t want to mess it up and blow his cover.

“I have spoken to our Lord and he was very satisfied with our work,” happy cheers filled the air. “And he said we have proven ourselves worthy. Therefore he entrusted us with a special task. He said he needed our help in this mission, said he couldn’t do this without us.” The cheers got louder. “He plans an attack on a little village full of filthy scum the wizards call Muggles. He wants us to have a feast!”

He threw his arms into the air and every single one of his wolves did the same, including Remus. He couldn’t believe it. An attack on a Muggle village? _When?_ He thought desperately. _When does Voldemort want the attack to take place? I have to know! When?_ His eyes travelled over the idiots standing in the circle in front of their leader, not having a care in the world, other than satisfying their master. _Just like the Death Eaters._

“We have the power to do this. We have the will to do this and we have the means to do this. In the night of the next full moon we will wipe out that filthy village and we will feast on them!”

*~*RSJLH*~*

“Okay, to sum it up we’ll invite your parents, my parents, Sirius, Remus and Peter, Alice, Frank, Marlene, the people from the Order…”

“Anybody home?”

Lily looked up from her list of names they were going to invite for their wedding and gazed towards James, who shrugged and stood up.  Using any opportunity to get out of the kitchen and away from his fiancée’s intensive wedding preparations, James strolled into the hallway to find a dishevelled looking Sirius Black standing next to their front door, looking kind of desperate.

“Hey, is something wrong?” James went over to his friend and gave him a one-armed hug.

“No… well, yes… Ah, I don’t know.” Sirius scratched his neck and looked sheepishly towards the living room. “Do you mind if I…” His voice trailed off, his eyes were brighter than normal.

“Not at all, go ahead,” he said, leading his friend to the soft couch. _Lily will do just fine on her own for a moment_ , he thought, sitting down next to his nervous friend.

As Sirius looked up, he smiled hesitantly. “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything,” he said, blushing slightly.

James shook his head and smiled at him reassuringly. “Not at all. Now go ahead. What is wrong?”

Sirius hesitated a moment, before he took a deep breath and began to talk. “Have you seen Remus lately?”

James blinked taken aback. That was true, he thought, frowning. He hadn’t seen his dirty blond-haired friend for a couple of weeks now. “No, I haven’t, now that I think about it,” he mumbled. “Why do you ask? Do you know where he is?” Not knowing where someone was or what happened to that someone wasn’t a good sign, especially during times like these, when you gain the habit of constant paranoia almost instantly.

“No, I don’t, which is why I’m worried,” Sirius sighed and rubbed his tired looking eyes. “I haven’t heard of him for at least two weeks and you know how he is. He always writes once a week. That I haven’t gotten any letters from him for two weeks now is very unnerving and not normal. Something’s happened, James. I can feel it.”

James frowned worriedly. He knew what Sirius was talking about. He felt the same way. It wasn’t like Remus to just vanish without telling them what was going on. He had never done that and considering what was happening all around them, he would never do so willingly. During the last few weeks, the attacks on wizarding folks had increased, not to mention the attacks on Muggles. And having someone dear missing, possibly killed during such an attack and not knowing what was going on was frustrating and frightening, to say the least.

Sirius’ eyes were bloodshot and wide, dark circles coloured his pale skin underneath them, giving him an unhealthy complexion. He was worried. More so than he normally would be, which was strange. They all knew that Remus could take care of himself, but although they were all scared, neither looked like Sirius did. There was something more to it and he was pretty sure what it was if you thought about the evening when James and Lily got engaged…

“You okay, man? You don’t look so good,” James put a hand on Sirius’ shoulder, squeezing it slightly.

Sirius laughed nervously, as he tried to swallow past the lump that was blocking his throat. “I’m scared, James. I’m scared something’s happened to him.” His voice was a mere whisper; James had to lean in to catch the words.

“I’m sure he is alright,” James said reassuringly, rubbing small circles on his best mate’s back, trying to calm him down. “Maybe he is on some sort of mission for the Order? Who knows? Maybe he just didn’t have time to tell us where he is.”

“But what if something’s happened to him? What if he wants to tell us where he is, but can’t, because he’s been held in some sort of dungeon?” Sirius closed his eyes tightly and rubbed his hands over them viciously. “What if… what if he is hurt? What if –“

“Now, now, Padfoot. Calm down, okay? I’m sure he’s just fine.” James frowned as he pried Sirius’ hands from his face. His eyes, as well as his skin around them were red.

“I can’t do this anymore, Prongs,” Sirius’ voice was soft, trembling slightly, as if he were to burst into tears any second.

“Can’t do what?” He asked patiently.

“I’m scared like crazy. I always think about what might have happened to him and why he wouldn’t write. I’m waking up in the middle of the night, having nightmares of Remus’ being tortured or killed. I… It won’t stop!” He sobbed, as he tried to get his breathing back under control. “I can’t help it. Every waking moment, I think of him. Every sleeping moment, I think of him. What is wrong with me, Prongs? What is going on? I don’t understand!”

James put an arm around his sobbing friend’s shoulder and pulled him closer, so that Sirius’ face was buried in the crook of his neck. Rubbing small circles on his back, he mumbled soothing nothings into his ear, waiting for the heart-breaking sobs to subside.

Once Sirius calmed down, he let go of him and turned his face towards him, so that Sirius was looking him in the eye. “Nothing is wrong with you, Padfoot. Never think that, okay?” Sniffling, Sirius nodded shakily. James smiled slightly. “I know the feeling you’ve just described, you know?”

“You do?” His voice cracked. A lone tear slid down his cheek.

James nodded. “Yeah, I do. In fact, I feel like that every day. I’m afraid like hell that Lily might get injured, that I don’t manage to protect her while on a mission for the Order or at the ministry, doing my normal work stuff. I’m worried sick when Dumbledore wants _her_ to go on a mission for the Order. What would I do if she were to die? I have nightmares about every single scenario that could possibly happen… But that’s what I have to live with. I love that woman so much it hurts. I want to protect her, but I know that the time will come that I won’t be here anymore to protect her. Do you understand what I mean?”

Sirius blinked in confusion. What did this have to do with him and Remus? James _loved_ Lily. They were engaged, for Merlin’s sake, of course he felt that way for her. He would do anything in his might to protect her… His breath caught. _He would do anything in his might to protect her…_ He gulped. _Holy shit_ , his inner voice screamed. _Holy shit!_

Sirius began to stutter, trying to come to a different conclusion, but it didn’t matter anymore. How did that Muggle saying that Lily was so fond of go? The damage was done. In that very moment, when the realization hit him, he knew he was right, he knew _it_ was right. He swallowed. How could he have not seen it before? It had been so bloody obvious! His unexplainable looks he always sent in Remus’ direction to check whether he was looking, the goddamn hand on his knee and _thigh_ and shoulder… The constant thinking about his wellbeing and his whereabouts… It had been so bloody obvious and he hadn’t seen it because he had been too confused, had ignored the signs that had certainly and one hundred percent been there…

“Oh God,” Sirius whispered, his eyes were open wide, still a little red and wet, but shining with the new realization that was giving him confidence. “Oh God,” he repeated and slowly turned towards James, who was smiling softly at him. _He knew! He knew all along!_

“I think I like Remus Lupin…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this one!
> 
> Until next time - see ya :D


	8. Not Good Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY! My Master thesis started and I completely forgot about this story. To make up for it, I'll upload two chapters today and try to remember to upload to on the weekend as well.

**Not Good Enough**

Yawning, Remus stumbled out of his fireplace, nearly knocking himself unconscious in the procedure. He groaned as he reached up to hold his aching head. _Damn table_ , he grumbled. Now he had a massive head ache adding to his usual pains and exhaustion. He sighed. _Well, at least Dumbledore knows about the attack._

After the pack had gone to bed late last night – or should he say early this morning – he had immediately apparated out of the wood and to the outskirts of Hogwarts’ land and had dragged himself all the three hundred metres into the Entrance Hall from where he had taken about a dozen secret passages to get to Dumbledore’s office without toppling down the Grand Staircase. Once there, he hadn’t been surprise to see a pyjama-clad and smiling Dumbledore sit behind his wooden desk, the pointy hat on top of his white hair sporting bright yellow, green and – for some reason – pink stars, moons and unicorns. Upon seeing Remus grave expression, his smile dampened and he beckoned his former student to make himself comfortable on the squishy leather chair.

He had told him everything. Every little detail that may or may not be important had been told in order to not let out anything that could be of importance in the attack or the organisation of the pack. Dumbledore had been quiet throughout his explanation, nodding here and there, or waiting patiently when Remus had taken a break to take a sip of cold water.

After about two or three hours – Remus had lost track after the first thirty minutes of talking – he had been excused and asked to take a pinch of floopowder to get home as quickly as possible. He had been grateful for that.

Now, he was currently trying to convince his tired legs to move into his bedroom, but he was losing the battle. Sighing in resentment, he let himself sink onto the carpeted floor, closed his eyes and let sleep overtake him. His last thought was that he could have thought of summoning at least a blanket and a pillow.

*~*RSJLH*~*

The next morning he had been woken up from impatient banging on his flat’s front door. He groaned. Couldn’t a man at least sleep till he was awake anymore? Trying to ignore the nagging banging, he gave all he had to go back to sleep. His dream had been too good to be true. Sirius had come over to talk to him about his feelings, telling him that he indeed loved him and wanted to be together with him for the rest of his life. Then they had started snogging in earnest and just before they had made their way into the bedroom… _Bang, bang, bang._

Remus cursed loudly, as he tried to get his limbs to move. Sleeping on a hard floor – carpeted or not – wasn’t good for his muscles. He grunted as he heaved himself up and began to crawl to the door on all fours. Clearing his throat, he croaked to ask who was disturbing him in the wee hours of the morning. It turned out to be a disgruntled Sirius, who couldn’t understand why Remus would want to sleep at two in the afternoon.  _Because I’ve only come home four hours ago_ , was what he didn’t answer.

He sighed, pulled himself into a standing position and tried not to sway too much as he unlocked the door. Sirius came parading in, looking here and there, searching every corner of his apartment, much to the confusion of its inhabitant, who was currently closing the door, a confused look on his face.

“Um,” he said, as he watched Sirius hurry around the rooms, looking into his bathroom, running into his bedroom, only to let himself fall to the ground and peek underneath the bed, “what exactly are you doing?”

It took a while until Sirius came back to him, only to turn him this and that direction to check for injuries. Indignant, Remus opened his mouth to tell him to stop – he didn’t like, or maybe liked it too much, how his body was reacting to the contact- only to be interrupted by a pale Sirius, who grabbed his face in both hands and looked him in the eye.

“Are you okay?” He asked frantically, his eyes darted worriedly over his face, searching for wounds or bruises.

“Um…” Remus blinked as Sirius continued to study his face and upper body. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“You _guess so?_ Tell me what happened! Why didn’t you write? We didn’t know what happened to you or where you were or…” He stopped rambling in order to take a slow step back and walk around his friend, to check for injuries he might have missed in his first round.

“I’m fine, Sirius. Really!” He huffed and scurried over to his kitchen to make himself a strong cup of coffee. He wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep anytime soon, so he may as well stay awake and conscious throughout the next few hours.

Sirius, full of nervous energy, followed his every step and leaned against the door frame. Remus had his back turned towards him as he began to make himself what looked like a very strong coffee. Remus reached up and Sirius’ eyes immediately zoned in on the small patch of naked skin under the hem of his shirt. He gulped. This was going to be even more difficult than he thought it would be. He choked as Remus bent down in search of coffee filters. _Damn_.

Clearing his throat awkwardly, he tried to get his brain to work normally in order to form a somewhat coherent sentence. “I just came over to check whether you were alright,” his voice broke halfway through his carefully formulated sentence. He scowled. _Way to go to show him how much_ you weren’t _worried and scared about him. Now he’ll think you’ve gone completely nutters._ Sirius scowled even deeper as that thought swam through his mind. He didn’t want Remus to know just what a wreck he had been the last few weeks. Or maybe he did want to? Sirius closed his eyes tightly. No, it was bad enough that James knew how he had acted and James knowing meant Lily knew as well. What if Remus was revolted by his worry over him? Maybe he didn’t want to be worried over, maybe he didn’t want _him_ to worry over him. Maybe...

“You okay, Padfoot?”

Sirius’ eyes snapped opened and he stared into the worried face of his boyfr- … of his best friend. He laughed nervously. _Everything is fine,_ he wanted to say, only the close proximity of Remus’ face was slightly distracting. He hadn’t shaved in a few days, Sirius noticed with a small tingle in his stomach region, causing a dirty blond shadow to darken his chin and jaw. He noticed in the last minute that his hand had become independent and uncontrollable and had reached up to touch the fine hairs… Sirius gulped and took a step back to let Remus pass. _Holy shit,_ was the only thing he could think as Remus pushed himself through the small gap between the door frame and Sirius, brushing his chest again Sirius’, causing such a strong tingle to shoot through the black-haired wizard that he yelped.

Remus turned around. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Sirius hoped that the warm feeling in his cheeks wasn’t what he thought it was. He smiled and nodded. “Yeah, sure. I mean, I’m sure.” He stuttered, hurrying past a confused Remus into his living room, making himself at home.

Remus followed his strange friend into the cosy room, putting down his mug of hot caffeinated liquid onto the table and bent down to work with the fire logs. Even a perfect _Incendio_ wouldn’t work when there wasn’t anything left to ignite.

Sirius breath caught as he looked up see that exact same patch of pale skin taunt him underneath the hem of his slightly dirty shirt. He gulped. He had to stay focused if he wanted to talk to Remus and _this_ wasn’t helping!

Suddenly, flames burst into life, lightening the room into warm light. Remus stood up and took a seat opposite of Sirius, much to his disappointment. Nursing his mug of coffee, he took a sip and closed his eyes as he relished its bitter taste on his tongue. Sirius watched fascinated as a soft smile spread over the exhausted, but undoubtedly handsome, features of his best friend.

Snapping back into reality, Sirius forced himself to ask the question that had been nagging him for quite some time now. “So, where have you been?”

Remus’ eyes opened slowly as he studied the nervous wizard in front of him. He wanted to tell him, but Dumbledore had been more than clear about it – he must not tell _anybody_ , including his friends. He sighed as he lowered his gaze and watched the black liquid slosh against the porcelain of his mug. “I cannot tell you,” he whispered softly, not looking up from his cup.

Sirius had nearly missed the soft words, if it hadn’t been for the fact that he had pinched himself at the right moment when he had felt himself go back into Remus-Sirius-love-dreamland. He blinked. “Why not?” He asked just as softly. He wanted to know. He _needed_ to know.

“Because I swore I wouldn’t do it,” Remus raised his head slowly. A sad smile adorned his beautiful face, causing Sirius’ stomach-butterflies to make somersaults. “I cannot tell you. I wish I could, but I promised I wouldn’t. I’m sorry.”

Sirius nodded slowly. “But you’d tell me if you were in any danger,” he said, frowning as he saw Remus’ expression, “wouldn’t you?”

Remus sighed. “I can’t.”

Sirius’ stomach fell down to somewhere near the earth’s core. “Why not?” He whispered. He was afraid that his voice may crack if he tried to talk normally. He was afraid that he would do something stupid, born out of the mere frustration and _need_ and fear he was feeling right now. But Remus only shook his head, the same sad expression in his gentle eyes. Sirius took a deep breath to calm himself. He would tell him. Now. He could do it. He would do it.

Sirius swallowed down his fear and summoned his Gryffindor courage. He had been the first Gryffindor in a family full of slimy Slytherins. That had to mean something! “I’m worried about you,” this time, it was Remus’ turn to lean forward to hear the soft words. “I don’t want to lose you, Remmy.”

Remus breath caught. Had Sirius just said what he thought he’d said? Remus couldn’t react as Sirius stood up and sat down right next to him, taking his free hand in his. His eyes were bright, but of the same warm light grey that Remus loved so much. His hair was black, silken, soft to the touch, he reckoned. He wanted to feel it, run his hands through the soft material, smell and feel it. He wanted to run his finger over his jaw, to feel his slight stubble, trace his lips that looked so enticing at the moment… but he knew he couldn’t do that. Sirius didn’t feel the same about him. He was just worried about him as a friend, worried that he might lose a friend to some unknown cause.

Remus inner nasty voice cackled. He wasn’t good enough for Sirius. Sirius was honest, loyal, brave, funny and just _perfect._ And what was he? He was a monster, a werewolf who was part of the pack of his creator, a pack full of murderers that followed Voldemort. It didn’t count that he didn’t share their beliefs or their trust in the Dark Lord as they called him. No, the only thing that mattered was that he was part of something dark, something big and he wasn’t even allowed to tell the one person he felt so much for.

But having that exact same person sit in front of him, looking him in the eye with such a soft and lovely expression in the depths of his light grey eyes, his perfect lips stretched into a soft smile, his warm hands around his… he felt the butterflies in his stomach go nuts, demanding that he acted. He was so near; he could see every single black lash around his eyes, catching the soft flickers of the fire and the stray sun rays that were let in through the thick curtains…

… and then he felt it. The unbearable softness of those perfect lips on his. The warm tingle that he had felt only minutes ago exploded into thousands of burning hot sparks, burning him insight out, but it wasn’t enough. He needed more, more, always more. He leaned in and felt that perfect creature do the same. He felt hot hands in his hair and on his cheek, felt his delicious breath on his face, warming every inch of him. He raked his hands through his silken locks, relishing their softness. The hot skin underneath his palms only caused his to burn even hotter. He was all around him. He could smell, feel, taste him. He heard him sigh against his lips as he deepened the kiss.

Remus’ eyes snapped open. No. No, that wasn’t… _Oh God!_ _He had kissed Sirius of all people! Sirius!!_ Thousands of hectic thoughts hit him all at once. _Not good enough… a monster… Voldemort… secret… using him… never love you…_ He pushed Sirius away from him and scrambled back, breathing heavily, his eyes open wide. He stared at a confused-looking Sirius, who was just as breathless as he was, lips swollen slightly, cheeks red and eyes narrowed confusedly. _Oh God, no._

“Y-You have to go,” Remus stuttered as he slowly stood up and backed away from the overly sexy man sitting on his couch, his hands still holding onto thin air, where Remus’ hands had been only seconds ago. “You have to leave. Now!” And with that a beet-red Remus hurried through the room into his bedroom and threw the door shut with a loud _bang,_ leaving a confused and hurt Sirius behind.

 _Not good enough_ , the nasty voice whispered as he slid down the door, clutching his hair desperately. _Never good enough_ …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it!


	9. I'm Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go. Second chapter of the day. Again, sorry for letting you wait for nearly one month...

**I’m Yours**

Oh, God, what had he done? They had kissed! He didn’t know how that had happened, but to be honest, he didn’t really care either way. They had kissed and he had ruined it! Oh, God, what would Sirius think of him now? Running away like that? What kind of Gryffindor was he? He wanted this! He wanted this more than anything and yet he had managed to ruin probably all of his chances.

He groaned as he slit down his bedroom door, hearing footsteps move towards the flat’s front door, open it and close it with an ultimate _click_. He was alone.

He was alone and it was his entire fault! He could have just reacted like a normal person, enjoy the kiss and talk with Sirius about what had happened, but _no!_ He had had to ruin it all. He wouldn’t blame Sirius if he never wanted to talk to him again. How could he if he, Remus, was the one to blame? Sirius didn’t do anything wrong! Quite the opposite, actually.

Remus could still feel the soft memory of Sirius’ lips on his, his hand on his cheek, the warmth he had felt… before he had destroyed the moment, buried both his and Sirius’ self-esteem and had legged it. Who did that? What kind of person managed to destroy such a perfect moment? A moment, he had dreamed about for at least two years now, and – coincidence will have it – had dreamed about it before being woken up mercilessly by the cause of his sleepless nights.

He had ruined everything what could have been between them. He buried his face in his hands and let the tears flow.

*~*RSJLH*~*

“Do I look okay?” James asked for the hundredth time that day. He tugged at his Muggle smoking, a weird black mix between a traditional wizards cloak and that Muggle jacket his mother once gave him. His mirror image was pale, his eyes were wide and slightly panicky looking. He turned around to his three friends, trying not to freak out.

“You look brilliant, Prongs,” Sirius said and refrained from rolling his eyes only with so much effort. “Really, it couldn’t be better and now _calm down_ , will you?”

“Yeah, we don’t want you to faint as soon as you get out of this room, now do we?” Peter chimed in and snickered at James panicked expression.

“Do you think that could happen? Oh my God, what if it _will_ happen? What will the guests say? What will Lily think of me? Will she think I don’t want to marry her anymore? Oh, Merlin, _what will her father say?_ ”

“Thanks, Wormtail,” Sirius muttered through clenched teeth as he guided his friend into the nearest chair, preventing him from having a nervous breakdown. He started to mutter encouraging things to him in such a soft voice that only James could hear them.

Remus scowled at Peter, who was looking rather nervous himself now. “I didn’t mean to…”

“Just shut it, will you, Wormtail?” Sirius glared in his direction.

Peter jammed him mouth shut, his eyes watery once again. Remus sighed. “He didn’t mean it like that, Peter. James is a wreck, I mean, just look at him and your comments aren’t making it any better, okay?” He put a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder, who smiled at him thankfully.

“Yeah, got it,” he said quietly and went over to James and Sirius and started to mutter encouragements himself. James seemed more relaxed than ever before, although his eyes still tended to look around the room frantically every once in a while.

Remus watched his three friends whisper to each other, a sad expression on his face. He was happy for James and Lily, really, he was. It was just… His gaze turned to Sirius, who had his hand on James’ back, rubbing small circles on it. _He wouldn’t even look at me_.

Since the moment he had arrived at the Potters’ estate and had greeted every one of the family and house elves, Sirius had refused to either look at him or shake his hand. It hurt to be ignored like that, but he knew he probably deserved it well enough. Having fled like that the day before was not what one called a smooth good-bye. He refrained from raking his hand through his hair. The goddaughter of James’ mother had seen to the best man, as well as the rest of James’ friends to make sure they were presentable. He wouldn’t ruin her masterpiece. She was currently helping the girls, he figured.

“James? It’s time.” A head peeked into the room, a nervous smile on his face.

The rest of the blood that had remained in James’ face vanished. He was paler than a corpse and started to shake. “Hey, man, everything’s going to be okay. Look, just think about who you’re going to marry. It’s Lily, Prongs. _Your Lily_.”

James nodded shakily and stood up, but not without a little bit of help from Peter. “You’re right. It’s Lily. It’s not like I’m getting married to McGonnigal.  I want this. I really want this. I want Lily.”

“That’s right, man. And now you go out there and she’ll be yours for ever.”

*~*RSJLH*~*

The ceremony was wonderful. The multiple rows of chairs were covered with white satin and decorated with deep red flowers.  The left side of the aisle was reserved for the bride’s family and friends, the right side for the groom’s family and friends. Both sides were divided by a dark red carpet, leading from the manor to the altar where James had been waiting nervously, eyeing the guests who had come up to him to congratulate him beforehand. He hadn’t felt much and if he would be asked by his children in the future about what he felt during that particular mean part of his wedding, he wouldn’t be able to answer it.

To be honest, he was pretty sure that he had stopped breathing quite a few times, judging by the amount of bruises covering his side as he had found out later in the evening, probably caused by non-other than his best man himself – Sirius Black.

The moment Lily had walked down the aisle at the hand of her father had been the most prominent one in his entire life. Before, he had felt nervous, scared and extremely horrified, thinking about all the possible – and only bad – outcomes of this ceremony, including Mr Evans beheading him and putting his head up onto one pole of his beloved Quidditch Pitch behind the mansion.

But seeing Lily walk down the red carpet, wearing this beautiful white dress with glitter, satin and – he didn’t know all of the materials that her dress had been made out of – looking literally breath-taking, he didn’t even wince when his best man hit him against his ribcage again, was incredible. Her smile was so brilliant that everyone else was immediately forgotten. He had had only eyes for her – her future wife.

The rest of the ceremony had gone by pretty quickly – exchanging vows, rings and, most importantly, kisses. The crowd had cheered as they had hurried back down the red aisle, laughing and holding onto each other. After that, they had eaten some cake, had had some tea and sparkling wine, as well as the biggest feast they had ever been able to dream about.

Most of the guests were dancing and enjoying themselves, the rest of them were watching the newly-weds dancing, looking at each other happily and – of course – kissing softly. Remus was one of those few who had taken a seat at one of the white tables and nursed his glass of sparkling wine, wondering whether he would someday be as happy as his friends were. He somehow doubted it. Who would want him anyway?

He sighed and took a sip from his drink, as a well-known voice reached his ears. “May I take a seat?”

Remus looked up to see a nervous-looking Sirius standing awkwardly next to his table, a glass of wine in his hand. Breaking out of his shock, he nodded hastily and pointed to a chair opposite him. “Sure.”

Sirius shot him a nervous smile, walked around the table and took a seat on one of the chairs right next to Remus. He blushed. That was going to be an embarrassing conversation…

“So…,” Sirius began, looking at everything but at Remus. “How are you?”

Remus swallowed, as he tried to convince himself that, even though he might not be looking at him, he did come to find and talk to him. “I’m okay, I guess. What about you?”

Sirius nodded, still averting his eyes. “Same.”

Uncomfortable silence followed that exchange. Summoning his courage, Sirius took a deep breath and turned to look at Remus. He was watching him with a sad expression; one that hurt deep down. “I wanted to talk to you, you know? About… well…” Sirius exhaled sharply and forced himself to say it out loud. “I wanted to talk to you about the kiss.”

Nervously, he eyed Remus, who was staring at him with a mix of fear, indignation, disbelief and… was that hope?

As he didn’t reply, he took another deep breath and started rambling. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t regret anything. I mean, it was kind of spontaneous and I hadn’t thought it would happen. I must say I was shocked at first, but… Well, I… You see, I… _Urgh_ , fuck this. I like you, Remus. I like you very much and I think it’s more than the normal ‘You-are-my-best-mate’-I-like-you, but more some kind of a ‘I-really-really-like-you-as-maybe-something-more-than-friendship’-I-like-you, you know what I mean?”

He frowned confused and rubbed his chin. “It sounded more logical in my head…”

Remus stared at Sirius, who turned deep red. He couldn’t believe it! Had he just…? Had he really…? No, it couldn’t be… could it? He couldn’t think straight. Sirius just sat there, waiting for him to answer. He wanted to answer, but he couldn’t make his brain connect with his facial muscles.

Sirius felt that all too familiar weight settle in his stomach as Remus continued to stare at him, his mouth slightly open, his eyes wider than usual. He wanted him to say _something_ … _anything_! This situation was complicated enough. He didn’t have to make it even more unbearably complicated and uncomfortable than it already was. He sighed. “Remus? Anybody home?”

Remus blinked at returned into his body, closing his mouth, only to open it mere seconds later. “You… you… what?” He stuttered, still incapable of formulating a coherent thought.

“I like you, Remus. I _really_ like you.”

“That cannot be true,” he whispered to himself. Sirius frowned. “You really like me?”

The black-haired wizard nodded, relief starting to flow though him like lava, enlightening everything in its way, burning it immediately.

“You weren’t angry with me when I… when I kissed you yesterday? You weren’t disgusted by it?”

Sirius laughed. “Disgusted? Are you listening to yourself? Why should I be disgusted when the most handsome, gentle, sweet and _amazing_ young man kisses me? _Me_ out of all people? Seriously, Remus. Usually, you are the one with the brain power. Use it!”

“So, all those looks during dinner that night and your hand on my thigh and your arm around my shoulder… they really meant something? They weren’t just looks and touches among friends?”

Sirius smiled softly at the confused Remus, a sight he rarely got to see; and he had to admit, he rather liked that puzzled side of him. It was cute. “I was confused at that time, but I didn’t plan for them to happen, I swear… it just sort of did… happen. I talked to James afterward and he made me really think about you. And then I knew.”

Unshed tears swam in Remus’ eyes, making them seem brighter than they normally were. Sirius reached out and took hold of his hand, holding onto it to steady him. Remus blinked and a tear rolled down his cheek, leaving a wet trail behind. Sirius reached up and gently wiped it away with his thumb, smiling at Remus. “I want this, Remmy. I really do. What about you?”

Remus hiccupped, smiling weakly as he covered Sirius hand on his cheek with one of his own. “I do too,” he whispered, leaning in slowly. He felt Sirius’ warm breath on his face as he whispered softly, “I’ve wanted to all these years.”

Closing their eyes, they let themselves fall into the sweet heat, tingles and fireworks of their first official kiss as a couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it!


	10. Worries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On to chapter 10! Next two coming up shortly.

**Worries**

Lounging around in the living room was certainly more fun without trying to stop his leg from bleeding, James thought grumpily as he wrapped a bandage around his calf. Sirius and him had just come home from a rather nasty Auror mission that ended up with one of the evil guys detonating a Muggle contraption he had learned later on was called a ‘bomb’. It had been pure instinct to roll to the ground to get as many things between himself and this black thing as possible and taking Sirius with him was the most natural thing to do. Where they had gotten such a device, he didn’t have the slightest idea. At least they hadn’t been the ones to clean up the mess afterwards…

Casting a numbing charm on his wound, he watched as the red stains his blood had lest on the white bandage were sucked back into the wound. _Thank Merlin for Healing Charms_ , he thought as Lily came through the door, an anxious expression on her face. “Did the charm work?” She asked as she sat down next to him and unwrapped his newly wrapped bandage.

“It did. Thanks, Lil, you’re the best.” He kissed her on the cheek, watching fascinated as her cheeks flushed pink. He still loved watching her and her reactions to his actions. He still couldn’t believe that she was reacting like this because of him. It seemed like a dream…

Being married for about a year now hadn’t done their relationship anything bad; quite the opposite, actually. They had never been more in love than now, which seemed impossible until they experienced it. Life was perfect – well, except the fact that Voldemort and his followers were slowly gaining more power…

James huffed as he threw the bandage onto the table in front of him and leaned back into the soft cushioning of the couch. He sighed and closed his eyes. It had been an exhausting day and he was looking forward to spending some alone-time with his beautiful wife in front of the fire.

Lily fidgeted next to her husband, trying to come up with a good way to start this conversation. “You know that I’ve been to a doctor this morning, right?”

James sat up straight, a sheepish and worried look on his face. “Oh, God, I have completely forgotten about that! How are you? Did he say what was wrong with you and when you’d start feeling better again?” Lily had woken up feeling sick this morning for the fifth time in a week. Knowing his wife, he had made himself clear that he wanted her to go see a doctor about it. It wasn’t normal to feel sick and not do anything about it. His wife might be a healer, but he had the vague suspicion that that only added to the normal ‘I’m not sick, I don’t need to go to a doctor’-thing she always had going on when feeling under the weather.

He flushed as he saw Lily’s expectant face. How could he have forgotten about his wife’s well-being? _Urgh! I’m a horrible husband!_

“Well, he actually told me than I’m as healthy as can be,” Lily had a soft smile on her lips, keeping her eyes locked to James’, who sputtered indignantly.

“What are you talking about? What is _he_ talking about? You’re not well! You’ve been sick for a week now and that… that _man_ wants to make us think you’re healthy? Throwing up all over the place is certainly not what I understand as ‘being as healthy as can be’.” He huffed. Would he have to apparate her into a special clinic that’s specialised in stuff like stomach problems? He would have to floo his boss in the morning to tell him he wouldn’t come to work that day. He’d have to look for a real doctor, who really wanted to help Lily, instead of just taking her money and sending her back home. Honestly, what kind of person did that?

Lily laughed and took his hand. “Really, I’m fine. More than fine actually.” Upon seeing James’ disbelieving expression, she grinned widely. “I’m pregnant, James.”

He was sure his heart stopped beating at exactly twenty-one past eight pm that night. He stared at Lily, whose cheeks were of an adorable pink colour, her grin blindingly beautiful. Her hands were still holding onto his, when he took his first breath after – what he thought had been about – thirty-three minutes. He gaped at his amazing wife. Slowly, his gaze lowered to her stomach, still as flat as always, and back to her beaming face.

She raised her brows expectantly. “Well? What do you say?”

James opened his mouth and sucked in huge amounts of air, trying to regain back the power of speech. Lily continued to smile patiently, although her smile was beginning to lack its former enthusiasm. “James?”

“You… You are p-pregnant?” He stuttered and looked at her stomach once again. Still, it was as flat as always.

“Yes,” her voice was slightly unsure now, not knowing whether James’ reaction was good or bad.

Finally regaining his brain function, his control over his limbs and speech back, he gasped, grabbed Lily by her waist and whirled her around the living room, both of them laughing loudly.

“Ahh, let me down,” Lily squealed, laughing when James kissed every inch of her face once, twice, three times.

“I’m going to be a Dad?” He asked, eyes bright and grin immensely wide. “I’m going to be a Daddy?”

Lily giggled and nodded.

James couldn’t believe it. He was going to be a father! _A father! Him!_

Hugging his wife tightly, he lost control over his emotions. A lone, happy tear slid over his cheek, without dampening his grin. “I love you,” he whispered in her ear and hugged her even tighter. “I love you so much!”

*~*RSJLH*~*

“Hey, Remmy?”

Remus looked up from his report he was to finish, so he could give it to Dumbledore. Being a member of the Order had mutated to a full-time job. Every now and then Dumbledore would send him an owl with a mission to complete, and this added to his visits to the werewolf pack, not being able to tell Sirius about it and writing all of those reports, as well as sending Dumbledore individual cowls with cryptic messages about his new achievements within the pack was very exhausting.

Rubbing his eyes tiredly, he stood up and walked over to the couches Sirius had been pointing at and took a seat. He sighed. Maybe he should make it a habit of writing his reports while sitting on a comfy couch? It certainly was better for his back than any chair would ever be.

Remus cuddled up next to Sirius, who raised his arm and hugged him tightly around the shoulders. Inhaling Sirius’ scent was always something to calm him down and make him feel protected and safe; a feeling that was rather rare to come by in times like these…

“What is it, Siri?” He mumbled into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck, kissing the soft skin that wasn’t covered be his robes. A low rumble went throw Sirius, expressing his contentment with Remus’ treatment. He smirked. Reaching up, he slowly pulled the neckline down, in order to have more skin to kiss and enjoy, but Sirius hand stopped him. Frowning, he looked up at Sirius’ face. “What’s wrong?”

The black-haired wizard hesitated and pressed a sweet kiss onto Remus’ forehead. “I’m worried about you,” he mumbled softly and gazed back into his lover’s eyes.

“Worried about me?” Remus seemed confused, but what he was feeling on the inside was anything but confusion.

“I wanted to ask you something, Remmy,” Sirius said in a serious tone, so unlike him. That wasn’t a good sign. Remus tried to keep from gulping. He knew what was about to come and he didn’t like it one bit. He wouldn’t be able to give Sirius the answers he wanted and obviously needed and he didn’t want his boyfriend to think that he didn’t trust him… because he did! With all his life!

“You’ve been away quite often lately,” Sirius’ voice was quiet, as if he was talking to himself, but Remus knew better. “You have been fore quite some time now, actually. At first I thought it had something to do with the Order, which is still possible, don’t get me wrong, but I find it somewhat… irritating and confusing that Dumbledore wouldn’t tell us anything about it. Being a member of the Order means being able to trust each other with their abilities and in general and Dumbledore not telling us something that’s quite obviously very important seems… odd.” He paused and studied his boyfriend, who was playing with the hem of his shirt.

“I know in times like these we have to be able to trust each other blindly. And don’t get me wrong, I do trust you, with my life! But I can’t stop thinking that you’re holding something back from me. And that something, I am pretty certain about, is dangerous. Everything that’s got to do with the Order is dangerous. And a mission as long as yours must have to do with keeping your cover and spying on other people.”

Remus’ head jerked up as he stared at Sirius.

Sirius nodded. “Just like I thought,” he whispered and trailed his index finger over Remus’ jaw lovingly, as if he was something easily breakable under the merest touch. “I worry about you, love. I worry about your safety and your life. What is this mission you have to complete? Is it a mission at all?”

Remus swallowed and nodded, grimacing slightly. “Yes, it is a mission, but I’m afraid I can’t tell you more than that. I’m sorry.”

Sirius frowned. “And why not? Why can’t you tell me whether you are in danger or not?”

“Because I just can’t,” Remus answered exaggeratedly. “I just… you have to trust me on this, okay? Dumbledore assigned me this mission. I cannot tell you more. I wish I could, really. I would love to do nothing more than to just tell you about this mission, about my task, but I’m not allowed to. Please, just trust me on this, okay? I’ll stay safe, I promise. You don’t need to worry about me, I can look after myself.”

He hugged his worried boyfriend tightly, kissing down his jaw, his neck and over his exposed shoulders, mumbling all the while “It’s going to be alright.”

*~*RSJLH*~*

He frowned at the burping men sitting around him, grinning widely. He couldn’t believe how much a ‘meal’ did for their mood… Just as he thought about burying the poor boy’s mangled body, Greyback stood up and waved everybody over.

“I hope you enjoyed your meal,” he grinned maliciously. “Because you certainly need your strength. The Dark Lord has a new mission for us.”

Remus focused his gaze on Greyback, who was grinning at him. “We’ll attack Diagon Alley next Wednesday.”

*~*RSJLH*~*

“But I don’t know whether it’s a trap. Greyback’s been watching me while announcing the next attack.” Remus was sitting in front of the old desk in Dumbledore’s office, nursing a hot cup of tea and watching Dumbledore stroke his beard.

“Hmm,” he mumbled, reached for his cup and took a cautious sip of the boiling hot liquid inside. “I do believe your concerns might be correct,” he said and studied Remus over the rim of his half-moon-shaped glasses. “Have say let you notice that your cover was blown?”

Remus shook his head no. “No, sir, and believe me, I would have noticed if they knew anything.” He put down his empty cup and a house elf immediately showed up to pour him some mire tea. “Unless Greyback didn’t tell them…” He muttered, lost in thought. He had not been a part of the attack on the Muggle village, but he had been told afterwards, only half of the pack had met up before the moon had risen to its highest, so it couldn’t be that that had made Greyback suspicious.

“Maybe he just wanted to see whether you’d be there,” Dumbledore reasoned. “Wednesday isn’t the night of the full moon, which means that his pack members are able to control themselves and will be able to consciously make the decision to join the attack.”

Remus gulped. “Does that mean I have to take a part in the attack?”

“I fear so, yes, my boy.” Dumbledore looked grave. “But you do not have to attack anyone,” he hurried to add, as he saw Remus’ expression. “Merely stunning people should suffice. And please remember, Remus; you mustn’t tell anyone.”

“Yes, sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Until next time - see ya!


	11. The Prophecy and Matter Of Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An on we go! Enjoy reading!

**The Prophecy and Matter Of Trust**

He couldn’t believe it. He had just been a part of a Death Eater attack on Diagon Alley… fighting for the wrong fight. The only curse that had hit an Order member though had been one he had shot at a nearby Death Eater in order to knock him out, but that Death Eater had jumped out of the way in the last second and the curse had hit Kingsley Shacklebolt instead. He was pretty sure that that black cloaked follower of Voldemort hadn’t even seen the curse fly towards him…

Thankfully, Dumbledore had waited a bit until he made the Order of the Phoenix arrive on scene. That way nobody thought that Remus sold them out to ‘the light side’.

He sighed happily as he smelled potatoes, roasted carrots, glazed peas and Shepherd’s Pie. Urgh, he could kiss Sirius right now for making dinner.

He went through their living room into the kitchen and smirked at a smiling Sirius, who sat innocently at the kitchen table, a Quidditch magazine in his hands and watching over the house elves preparing dinner. _Of course._

*~*RSJLH*~*

It was about five months ago that he had fought in that battle in Diagon Alley, when he and Sirius received yet another owl from Dumbledore. Confused, Remus watched Sirius open his letter, his eyes traveling over the words in Dumbledore’s neat handwriting, his frown deepening with the second.

Slightly nervous, Remus opened his own letter to be greeted by a rather short and direct letter.

_Remus,_

_Lily and James are here already. They want you and Sirius to come to my office. Now._

_Dumbledore_

*~*RSJLH*~*

“What’s wrong?” He heard Sirius asked as he literally fell out of the fireplace and nearly hit his head at the edge of Dumbledore’s desk. “What happened?”

“I have something to tell you,” Dumbledore’s voice was emotionless as he came through one of the many hidden doors behind one of the former headmaster’s portrait.

Sirius helped Remus up from the floor. Remus smiled thankfully at him and followed Sirius gaze to their two best friends, who looked quite queasy. James was holding onto a softly crying Lily, whose eyes were wide with shock, both were extremely pale. Just as he opened his mouth to ask what was going on, a big cloud of soot enveloped him and Sirius, causing them both to cough.

“Sorry,” was the first thing they heard and a very dirty and tired looking Peter picked himself up from the ground rather clumsily. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to do that.”

Sirius waved him off and pulled Remus over to the quiet couple. Remus kneed down in front of Lily, who immediately let go of James and threw herself into Remus’ arms. “Oh, Remus!” She cried out loud and began to sob in earnest. Sirius was trying his best to get some news out of a completely paralyzed James, but to no avail. Peter just stood there next to the fireplace, looking as lost as ever.

“Since everyone has arrived,” Dumbledore said and lowered himself onto the massive chair next to his desk, “I think we may begin.”

Remus and Sirius didn’t move from their spot, still trying to calm their hysterical friends down. Peter scurried over and stood behind Lily and James’ chairs. “What is it, Professor?” Peter was the one to utter the question they all wanted the answer to.

“You see, I have asked the Potters here today, because I had some bad news for them, concerning their child.”

“Their… but what would be wrong with it?” Sirius glanced from Dumbledore to James, over to Lily, who had her arms folded over her slight bum. She started to show. “You’re not… everything’s okay, right? The baby’s fine, isn’t it?”

Lily shrugged her shoulders miserably. It was James who whispered a reply. “The baby’s healthy, Sirius.”

“Thank Goodness! But then, what is wrong, exactly?” He looked back to Dumbledore who had taken off his glasses and put them onto the piece of parchment that was lying on his desk in front of him. He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“I have come to notice that there is a prophecy, concerning the future of Lord Voldemort.”

Sirius blinked. “But what does that have to do with James and Lily’s baby?”

Remus shot him glare that told him to shut up. Sirius shut his mouth immediately, but having the decency to look at least a little bit ashamed.

“The prophecy,” Dumbledore said, looking them into the eye, “is not only about the future of Lord Voldemort. There is a young wizard or a young witch involved, who will be responsible for Lord Voldemort’s downfall.”

Silence followed that sentence. After a few minutes, Dumbledore cleared his throat and began to talk again. “This chosen baby could either be the Potter’s heir or the Longbottoms’ heir, as both are bound to be born at the end of July.”

*~*RSJLH*~*

He winced as his feet hit the ground. His legs gave up under him and he crashed into the coffee table in his and Sirius’ living room. He groaned as its edge dug into his side where a big flesh wound dominated his skin. _Well, at least there’s one positive thing about this_ , he thought grumpily, as he tried to crawl onto the carpet in order to lie down. He would have to return to the pack, no matter would Dumbledore told him to do.

Someone had told Greyback that he worked for Dumbledore and every desperate effort to convince the Alpha of the pack that it wasn’t true, not in the slightest; Greyback had merely grinned and waved to his servants, who then had turned onto Remus. He had only just managed to escape as one of the maniacs had tried to rip his arm out of its socket.

Hurried footsteps could be heard approaching, just as Remus crashed onto the carpet, muffling an agonized cry of pain in its soft material.

“ _Remus!”_

Sirius ran over to where Remus lay on the ground, his right arm and leg spread away from him in an awkward angle. He threw himself down next to his boyfriend and rolled him onto his back carefully. Remus hissed and pressed his eyes tightly shut.

“Remus,” Sirius tried not to touch him too much as he looked him over in order to access his amount of injuries. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” Remus whispered and tried to sit up.

“Nuh-uh, young man. You stay put and don’t move! I’ll call Lily, so she’ll come over.” With that he hurried over to the fireplace, threw in some floopowder and disappeared in the bright green flames.

*~*RSJLH*~*

“Here you go, love,” James sat down next to Lily and handed her a cup of hot tea, which he gladly accepted. She smiled tiredly and took a sip. Savouring its taste, she sighed softly and let herself be cradled in James’ arms.

Upon hearing the prophecy, Lily had refused to go back to work at St. Mungo’s and had taken a prolonged maternity leave. She wouldn’t risk her child’s life any more than it was already threatened. James had suggested that he, as well, stay home in order to make sure they were both okay, but Lily would have none of that. She would be okay alone at home, just her little baby inside her womb for company.

James kissed her on her soft, brilliant red hair and inhaled its scent deeply. How life could change in only a few days, he wondered, thinking about all the unfairness that had to happen to his family. They didn’t deserve it! No one did!

He jumped and Lily screamed, throwing her cup into the fireplace’s direction as said item began hissing and pitting bright green flames. A now wet Sirius stepped out of the flames, scowling at both of them. “I need your help. It’s Remus.”

*~*RSJLH*~*

Just as Sirius had left the room, Remus had tried to sit up, only to fall back down immediately after such a strong dizzy spell that he seriously considered to just throw up on the carpet and be done with it. He groaned loudly as he tried to move his right arm. It seemed to be dislocated. His left arm didn’t hurt as badly as the other one, probably only a few wounds and bruises. His left leg was fine as well and his right leg was broken.

Muffling a scream, gave his best to straighten it up, in order to let his werewolf-self heal it properly and not in its crooked state it was in at the moment.

A cloud of soot announced Sirius’ arrival. He was closely followed by a pale James and an equally pale and pregnant Lily, who immediately rushed over to his mangled body to look him over. She pulled out her wand and began to mutter complicated sounding incantations, as she motioned James to straighten his leg.

His scream was immediately shushed by a concerned and totally frightened looking Sirius, who hovered over him and gave his best to somehow distract him from the pain. “Why can’t we give him painkillers or something?” He asked desperately, as Remus screamed yet again.

“They’re not strong enough,” Lily crawled over to his arm and began chanting once more. “His werewolf part wouldn’t let them work, even if we gave him some.”

“He’ll be okay,” James held onto Remus arm as it jerked under Lily’s wand, the spell slowly easing it back into its socket.

“You hear him, Remmy? You’ll be alright, sweetheart. You’ll be alright, I promise,” he whispered frantically and kissed him on his sweaty forehead as Remus whimpered, feeling every inch his shoulder join was being moved.

*~*RSJLH*~*

“Thank you so much,” Sirius walked James and Lily back to the fireplace. They had put Remus onto their bed, propping up his injured arm and leg and had ordered him to sleep. Sleeping Potions didn’t work that well with magical creatures and Lily hadn’t wanted to risk anything in order to get him to sleep. ‘He’ll fall asleep as soon as his body can’t keep him awake any longer,’ she had said, covering Remus with a blanket. He had mumbled something unintelligible and had dozed off. ‘And exhaustion will do the rest,’ she had nodded, checked his temperature one last time and had followed the men out into the living room.

“You don’t need to thank us,” Lily hugged he friend and kissed him on the cheek. “Call us if you need us to come over, okay? If he gets fever or if he is in anymore pain than he can deal with, contact us immediately.”

“I will. Thank you,” he hugged James, who smiled at him and bend over his shoulder. Lily tactfully studied the variety of Remus’ book in the bookshelf near the fireplace, one hand always on her little bum. “He’ll be alright, Sirius. Just let him get some rest and do your best to make him as comfortable as can be. We’re here for you, mate, so don’t hesitate to call us, okay?” He whispered into Sirius’ ear, whose smile was a little teary, but sincere. “Thank you.”

*~*RSJLH*~*

“Hey,” a soft whisper jerked him out of his trail on thought. He looked up from his magazine he had spent the last four hours of trying to read, and saw a tired Remus smile at him.

“Hey to you, too,” he whispered back, leaning down to kiss his lips lightly. Remus hummed approvingly and smiled a little wider.

“Was that supposed to be a kiss?” His weak chuckle made Sirius roll his eyes for good measure.

“It was me hitting you around the head,” he replied without missing a beat and looked down to his defeated boyfriend, who was studying him with a suspicious gaze. “What happened to you, Remus?”

Said wizard sighed and winced slightly as his lungs collided with his still sore rip. “Nothing,” he mumbled, knowing only too well what would come next.

“ _Nothing_? You call that nothing? Remus, I’ve been in many battles before and I’ve seen people who were being tortured and held captive that have been looking better than you did a few hours ago.” He ruffled his perfect hair and glared at Remus, who was averting his eyes. “I’m worried, Remus. Please tell me what happened. Who did this to you?”

“I’ve already told you that I cannot tell you, Sirius. I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”

“Well, if that’s it then. I guess I’ll better sleep on the couch,” Sirius’ voice trembled slightly as he stood up and made his way to the bedroom door.

“What? No, Sirius, please wait.”

“If you aren’t able to trust me with something like this, I don’t know whether this can work out. Good night, Remus.” And with that he turned around, ignored Remus agonized pleas for him to come back, and closed the door behind him.

He slit down the wooden door, clutching his hair desperately and trying to not sob out loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this one. Until next time - see ya!


	12. Harry James Potter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the last one for today. Enjoy reading, gues!

**Harry James Potter**

Remus opened his eyes to bright rays of sunlight shining in his face, blinding him. Groaning, he rolled over and peeked at the Muggle clock standing on his bedside table – it was past two in the afternoon. He stretched carefully to check whether any of the injuries from the day before were still there, but his inner werewolf had healed them all perfectly. He figured this was mostly thanks to Lily, who had done exceptional work. He would have to thank her, he thought, sitting up cautiously.

He took a deep breath to get over the dizzy spell and decided it was time to stand up and talk to Sirius; maybe get something to eat as well. Sleeping in such a huge bed as theirs without having Sirius to cuddle up to felt wrong and lonely. He had woken up every hour or so and instinctively looked over to Sirius’ side of the bed, only to find it empty.

He stood up dejectedly and, without deeming the cold side of the bed a gaze, shuffled out of the bedroom. He was greeted by the delicious smell of bacon, eggs and beans. Smiling, he walked over to the kitchen door to find Sirius standing in front of the stove, looking somewhat lost but determined, as he handled three pans simultaneously. The house elf that stood next to him fidgeted and tried to convince Sirius to let him cook instead, but Sirius was adamant. He wanted to cook this meal and he didn’t want the elf to prepare it for him, but he was welcome to give him advice, which the elf began shooting at Sirius immediately.

Remus stifled a laugh as Sirius shot a disgruntled look towards the elf that had just tried to pry the pan with the bacon out of Sirius’ hand, causing it to nearly topple to the ground. Sirius rolled his eyes as the elf started to reprimand him in earnest.

“Sorry, but it isn’t my fault when you attack me while I’m holding a boiling hot pan,” he hissed as he slammed the pot back onto the stove. The elf winced at the sound.

“He’s just trying to help,” said a voice from behind him, causing him to jump and knock over the can with the baked beans in it, emptying it on top of the house elf’s head.

“Remus,” he cried out as he bent down and tried to wipe the beans from the miffed house elf’s forehead and nose. “Didn’t see you there.”

“That much was obvious,” Remus snickered and scuffled over to the small kitchen table, taking a seat slowly as to not strain his just healed body too much. “Are you making breakfast?”

“I’m trying to,” Sirius mumbled and watched the dripping elf disapparate with a hurt expression. He shrugged and turned around to the stove, only to find out that the bacon and the eggs were starting to burn, the beans were already steaming like crazy. He yelped and ripped all of the pots away from the stove, depositing them in the sink. He frowned as he picked at the blackened bacon. “Do you want to order in?”

*~*RSJLH*~*

“So, how are you feeling?” Sirius took a big bite out of his sandwich and eyed Remus worriedly. “Wouldn’t it be better if you’d still be in bed?”

Remus looked up from his own plate and watched Sirius sadly. Out of the corner of his eye, he could still see the blanket on the sofa… “I want to apologize… for yesterday and…” He gulped. Sirius looked at him indifferently, an irritated glint in his eyes. “Well, not just for yesterday. I want to apologize for not telling you what that mission was about, for making you believe that I didn’t trust you, for coming home injured, for making you worry…” He lowered his gaze a picked at his sandwich.

“It’s just that Dumbledore told me not to tell anyone in case it came out that it was me who leaked the information and you know what could happen in that case… probably would happen and _did_ happen,” he added sheepishly and stole a gaze at Sirius, who was sitting opposite him; his skin had a slightly greenish hue to it.

Remus cleared his throat and pushed his plate away from him. He had lost his appetite. “Dumbledore had a mission for me that nobody else could do,” he said after a hesitant pause, but before he could continue Sirius raised his hand and looked at him questioningly.

“Why are you telling me this now? Don’t get me wrong, I really want… no… _need_ to know, but… I mean, you just said so yourself. Dumbledore told you to keep quiet.” He eyed his boyfriend and all the remaining colour vanished from his face. Remus’ state when he had come home last evening… He had nearly died if it hadn’t been for Lily… “Your cover blew, didn’t it?”

Remus nodded, a pained expression on his face. Sirius gulped. “Tell me everything.”

And that he did. Starting with the owl he had received all those months ago, followed by his conversation with the Order’s leader, his inner battle about whether he should risk his live in order to safe many others, his fear about what his friends and especially Sirius would say if they ever found out… He told him about the attacks he had had to take part in, even cursing some of the Order members to make sure no one suspected him to be the spy, about the children the pack had hunted and eaten, up to last night’s fight that had ended with Remus apparating out of the forest in Scotland into their living room.

Sirius sat still throughout the whole monologue, not uttering one word. His expression was shocked, worried, scared and full of respect for his loved one. He couldn’t believe what Remus had gone through just to protect those he loved the most.

“And last night somebody had found out – don’t ask me how, I don’t know – and had told Greyback. And, well, you know how they’ve reacted… You’ve seen the result,” he finished soberly and glanced into Sirius’ eyes, which were staring at him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you or the others for that matter. I hope you understand.”

Sirius nodded slowly. Yes, he understood, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. Remus had put himself into a lot of danger and he had done that knowingly. But what good did it do when he persisted in his viewpoint? Remus knew how he felt about this mission, he couldn’t change what had happened – _probably wouldn’t even if he could_ , he thought bemusedly.

“I do, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it,” he said stubbornly nonetheless, a little freaked out as Remus _didn’t_ roll his eyes at him. _Man, he really is sorry._

“I know and I don’t want you to be. I just want to get this all over and done with and behind us, so we can start living a life without lies or secrets, okay?”

Looking into Remus beautiful caramel eyes, his heart began to melt and the butterflies started their tap-dancing again at full speed. He blinked hazily, leaned forward and gently grabbed his boyfriend’s chin, pulling him forward slighty. “Deal,” he whispered and closed the gap between their lips.

*~*RSJLH*~*

_“Where have you guys been?”_

Remus and Sirius turned around and ignored the nurse, who was just looking for the room Lily was currently in, already in labour. James was running up to them, face pale and slightly sweaty. He was trembling and breathing heavily as if he had just run through the whole hospital in search for them – which he had probably done, Sirius thought as he studied his best friend.

They had been woken up by a panicky owl that morning, hammering against their bedroom window. If Sirius had waited a few seconds longer to let the bird inside, they would probably have had to buy a new window pane. They had barely been able to read the words that had been penned onto the parchment in much hectic, but the readable words ‘ _Lily_ ’ and ‘ _baby’_ had been enough for them to figure out what was going on.

James grabbed both of their wrists and started to drag them into the maternity ward of St. Mungo’s. He was mumbling incoherent things until Sirius ripped his arm out of James’ vice-like grip and turned him around. He steadied the father-to-be by his shoulders and looked him in the eye.

“Breathe,” he said and watched his best mate try to control his breathing, but without much success. “Calm down, James. Calm down.” Remus pulled them both over to a row of plastic seats at the wall and eased his wreck of a best friend onto one of the chairs. Sirius bent down to be on eye level with him and Remus took the place next to James, putting a comforting arm around his shoulders.

“What was that?” Sirius asked, leaning forward slightly.

James raised his head slowly, his eyes were open wide and slightly red. “What if I’m a horrible father?” He whispered with a desperate undertone. “I’m not sure that I’m ready for this.”

Sirius looked over to Remus, who nodded and squeezed James’ shoulder supportively. “You _are_ ready for this, James,” Sirius said and put a finger underneath James’ chin to keep him from averting his eyes. “You are an amazing guy, an amazing friend and I’m sure you will be an amazing, if not the best, father, do you hear me?”

James nodded weakly, seemingly not convinced at all.

“You will be an amazing Daddy, Prongs, and your son or daughter will love you like no one else.” Sirius pushed James’ head up again. “Think about Lily in there, giving birth to your child.”

“My child,” he mumbled, just as an ear-splitting scream came out of the room next to them. James jumped up, face even paler than before. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Go in, mate,” Remus stood up and pushed James into the room’s direction, just as another scream filled the air. “Now! Your wife needs you!”

“Right!” And with that a highly nervous James rushed into the room, witnessing his child’s birth.

*~*RSJLH*~*

_Knock, knock, knock._

Lily looked up from the little bundle in her arms and smiled at James. He stood up and walked over to let the guys in.

“Hey,” Sirius whispered as he and Remus crept into the room as to not wake anybody up. “Where is my little godchild?”

“You look good, Lily,” Remus smiled at the red-head sitting up in her bed, hair slightly sweaty and sticking to her forehead, but she was beaming widely. She was holding a small bundle of blankets in her arms, a little tuft of black hair peeking out at one side.

“Remus, Sirius,” James said softly and went back over to his wife and child and took the bundle out of her arms. She smiled at him lovingly as he kissed her on her forehead. “May I introduce you to our son, Harry James Potter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, Harry arrived! :D  
> Until next time - see ya!


	13. Protection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's beginning...

**Protection**

“And what do you have in mind exactly?” James asked as he and Lily, who had Harry in her arms, sat down in front of Dumbledore’s desk. They had been asked to come to his office this morning in order to go through the proceedings considering the protection they were going to be put under. They still had no idea how Dumbledore was planning to hide a whole family, but there had to be something even stronger than the wards they currently had around their property or he wouldn’t have asked them to come.

It seemed so long ago that Harry had been born. His first birthday had been two weeks ago and he was already learning how to speak. He could stand up, although he still had some trouble staying up right for too long.

Dumbledore shook both James’ and Lily’s hands, tapped a grinning Harry on the nose and went over to his own massive chair to make himself comfortable before jumping into an explanation that was to change the family’s life that was at this very moment sitting in front of him, trusting him with their lives.

“I have read into some ancient protection rituals and have found a rather interesting one. It used to be quite popular while I was a professor myself, but it somehow slipped my mind. Lemon drop?” He smiled at the young family as the house elves started to pop into the room to serve tea and cookies.

“No, thank you,” Lily said politely, trying not to scowl at the old wizard. “What spell are you talking about exactly?” She asked and stirred the conversation back to the topic at hand – their survival.

“Right. As I said it used to be really popular with the wizarding folks, when they needed means to protect themselves from Grindelwald and his followers,” he cleared his throat and continued. “It is a spell that binds a secret to one person, who will then become the secret keeper. The secret keeper is the only person that is able to tell the secret – hence the home of the family – to outsiders, which makes this way of protection a solid one. The enemy needs to know who the secret is bound to in order to get to the family the secret is about.” He paused to take a sip from his tea.

“This means that the family needs to be told the secret as well, seeing that the secret keeper usually is someone outside the family, for safety reasons. It is a very powerful spell that needs to be casted by a very powerful wizard or witch, because the ordinary man or woman would probably either not survive it or lose their magic for ever.”

James took a deep breath and looked at Lily and Harry, who was holding onto his pinkie finger. Lily had a worried look on her face as she studied their son dozing off in her warm embrace. This was his family, the two people that meant the world to him; he would do anything to keep them safe, no matter what the prize. Just as he opened his mouth to ask Dumbledore when they could start, the wise wizard raised a hand and asked for patience.

“I have one more thing to tell you about this ritual.” James nodded and encouraged him to go on. He wanted to get this done and over with as soon as possible. He didn’t need to hear more about this ritual as long as it’s strong enough to keep Lily and Harry safe, it would do. “If you were to decide to perform the ritual, you must not leave the house for as long as Voldemort is out there.”

James’ mouth slit shut immediately. He stared at Dumbledore’s sincere expression, wondering whether that man had lost his mind for good. “But how are we supposed to do that, Albus?” Lily asked nervously, gently stroking over a sleeping Harry’s hair. “We have to go out to buy groceries at the very least, not to mention that you can’t keep an infant cooped up in a house for his whole life!”

Dumbledore inclined his head. “I am very well aware of what it means to your everyday life, my dear Lily. But I have to insist. The spell will merely protect your property. It is not a spell to protect single people who are moving about. It is your house and your garden that will be protected and hidden by it, not yourselves, do you understand? It is of vital important that you understand and accept this fact, because if you were to wander through Godric’s Hollow, it might still be possible that Death Eaters, although they wouldn’t be able to see your property, will see you coming from your property and it will be very simple for them to harm you.”

Lily frowned. She knew they had no other opportunity to stay save, but that didn’t mean that she liked it. As she looked over to James, he looked no less unhappy than she did, but the decision had been made. She could see it in the determined glint in his hazel eyes. She nodded. “What do we have to do, Albus?” James asked out loud and turned back towards Dumbledore, who sat there, smiling softly at them.

“Well, first of all, you’ll need a secret keeper, someone, to whom the secret will be bound. I, of course, am willing to act as your secret keeper if you wish for me to do it.” Dumbledore looked at them over the rim of his glasses, his fingertips propped up against each other.

“That is really nice of you, professor,” Lily said and turned to James, who was frowning slightly, “but we’d like to ask Sirius to be our secret keeper, if it’s okay with you.” James nodded his consent.

The white-haired wizard smiled at them encouragingly and inclined his head once again. “Of course. Let me know if you’ve changed your mind, will you? Now,” he sighed and stood up, James and Lily with Harry in her arms followed suit, “I wish you good luck with finding your secret keeper. Let me know when you’re ready, so we can perform this ritual as soon as possible.”

*~*RSJLH*~*

“It was the right thing to do, Lily,” James said as they climbed out of their fireplace and he sealed it immediately, just to be sure no one uninvited would come in. “Dumbledore is the most powerful man I know, but wouldn’t it be obvious to Voldemort that we’d choose him as our secret keeper? He would go after Albus and Merlin only knows what would happen if Dumbledore would die.”

“You’re right,” she mumbled. Climbing up the stairs, closely followed by her husband, she carried Harry up into his nursery to put him to bed. “I know you’re right. I guess we just have to see the whole picture, huh?” She smiled sadly as she gently lowered Harry into his bed, placing his plush stag next to his head for him to cuddle with.

James came up to Lily and wrapped his arms around her slender body, pulling her towards him, never leaving Harry’s out of his eyes. His son smiled in his blissful sleep as he reached up and snagged the stag. He wrapped his tiny arms around the plush animal and sighed softly as his pink baby skin touched the silken fur of the toy. _I will do anything to protect these two_ , he swore to himself as he watched Harry sleep innocently in his toddler bed. _I will to anything, even if it means to sacrifice my life. I will do it._

*~*RSJLH*~*

Sirius threw some floopowder into the fireplace and watched the flamed shoot up in a brilliant green colour. James had just send him an owl and asked whether he could come over to discuss a few things. He had no idea what his best friend wanted to talk to him about, but nobody wrote any important information in letters anymore – not when the owls could be intercepted.

Remus looked up from his book as Sirius turned around. “You’ll come back for dinner in time, won’t you?” He asked his boyfriend, whose smile widened as he nodded.

“Sure thing. Wouldn’t want to miss your delicious stew, now would I?”

Remus rolled his eyes and waved him off. “James is waiting for you. You better not let him wait too long or he’ll come waltzing down the front door.”

“You’re probably right,” Sirius said, took a deep breath and with a last wink stepped into the green flames, calling “The Potters, Godric’s Hollow”.

Travelling by floo was something every wizard or witch grew up with, with the exception of Muggleborns of course. The whirling feeling, the fireplaces flying past him, glimpsing parts of the living rooms behind them was so normal for him that he didn’t notice that something was wrong before he crashed head first into a solid, but invisible wall in front of the Potters’ living room. He caught a glimpse of James running towards him, but he was already being catapulted back through the tornado of fireplaces and fire again and landed on his bum on the carpet in front of his own fireplace, a confused looking Remus sitting right next to him on the couch.

“What happened?” He asked as a disgruntled Sirius picked himself up from the ground.

“I think they sealed the fireplace,” he mumbled, but was interrupted by James’ face appearing in the hearth before him, grinning apologetically.

“Sorry,” he said, wincing as Sirius glared at him. “I forgot about the barrier… I’ll let you through.” And with that his face vanished from the now red fire.

“Forgot to lift the barrier,” Sirius grumbled as he once again threw a pinch of floopowder into the fire, much to the amusement of Remus. “Yeah, right. What an idiot,” he took a step forward and a few seconds later he stepped out of the now accessible fireplace of the nervous Potters that greeted him with small grins.

“Sorry,” James repeated and pulled Sirius into a brotherly hug. “I still didn’t get used to all this safety procedure, you know?”

Sirius waved his apology off and let himself fall onto the couch where his godson was currently playing with the plush dog he had given him for his birthday, next to his play broom, much to Lily’s disapproval. But Harry loved both, so who was he to take it away from this little sunshine? “Hey buddy, how’s it going? Keeping an eye on your parents, are you?”

Harry mumbled something incoherent and grinned a toothy grin, blowing a bubble of spit while talking to his godfather excitedly. “Really? You don’t say!” Sirius looked at him seriously, mirroring his godson’s sincere expression.

“He kept us up most of the night,” Lily put down three bottles of butterbeer and reached for her smiling son, who wanted to show her his “Pafoo do’ie”. “It’s time for your nap, sweetie,” Lily kissed her son on the cheek and getting petted on hers in return. She carried him into his nursery.

James sat down on the seat his son had until just recently occupied and opened the bottles of cold butterbeer standing on the coffee table. “I’ll come straight to it, then,” he said as he had finished opening the bottles and straightened his back, as if preparing himself for a battle.

Sirius frowned. “What is it, Prongs?”

Just in that moment, Lily came through the door, smiling gently. “He was asleep even before I could put him into bed.”

James smiled softly. “Well, he was up most of last night, keeping us busy,” he said grinning. “It’s bound to be exhausting.”

Lily laughed as she took a sip from her beer, enjoying its taste. It reminded her of her time at Hogwarts; a time that seemed so far away… “That’s right,” she said and turned towards Sirius. “We wanted to ask you something.”

“I’ve figured as much,” Sirius deadpanned, causing his opposites to smile softly. “Now, out with it.”

They exchange a look before James jumped right into the story of their afternoon. “And this ritual needs a person to whom the secret needs to be bound. Otherwise we won’t be able to cast the spell,” he concluded, looking at his best friend expectedly.

“And you want me to be that secret keeper?” Sirius watched his best friends nod nervously.

“We would ask someone else, but we think you’re our best chance,” Lily said evenly. “We know it is risky and we know it is dangerous, but we hope you’ll do it nonetheless. We hate to put you into so much danger, just so we can hide from Voldemort, but…”

“It’s okay, Lily. I completely understand and I feel honoured that you chose me. I’d love to do it.”

James’ eyes flickered over to lily and back to his son’s godfather again. “Are you sure you want to do it? It is really risky and there is a lot that can happen, you know? Voldemort will look for you and try to get the secret out of you. You’ll be in as much danger as we are in.”

Sirius put down his now empty bottle of butterbeer and leaned forward slightly. He looked into James’ worried expression. “James,” he said, not a doubt in his mind, “I’ll do it. I would do anything for you two and your little Harry, you know that.”

James nodded shakily, his eyes slightly more glassy than they had been at the start of this conversation. He was afraid; that much Sirius could tell. _No_ , he thought and tried to ignore the sickening feeling at the pit of his stomach. _He is terrified. He is terrified for his family and terrified that he might not be able to protect them._ He swallowed.

“I protect my family,” he said, wanting to not only put James at ease, but him as well. “And it just so happens that you three and Remus _are_ my family. I don’t have anyone else.”

A lone tear rolled over Lily’s red cheeks, James seemed to be fighting tears as well. “When will we perform this ritual?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it!  
> Until next time - see ya!


	14. Doing The Right Things

**Doing The Right Things**

He stepped out of the fireplace and let himself fall onto the sofa, sighing loudly. Remus stood up and walked over to sit beside his boyfriend. He was pale and a little shaky and there was a spot of soot on his nose. Worriedly, Remus raised his arm and put it over Sirius’ shoulders, who then closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“What happened?” Remus asked the exhausted wizard, searching his face for any kind of hint as to what the two friends had talked about.

Sirius cleared his throat, opened his eyes slowly and put his arm around Remus’ waist, pulling him closer. He leaned in and inhaled Remus’ clean but slightly wild scent. “Dumbledore found a spell which can protect them,” he mumbled against Remus’ dirty blond hair. “It’s called ‘The Fidelius Charm’. Ever heard of it?”

Remus frowned. “Yeah, I have, actually.”

Sirius leaned back to look Remus in the eye. “You have?”

“During History of Magic in our seventh year. So you guys wouldn’t know what it was, as I was the only one to take that subject. Worst thing I could have done.” He blinked at Sirius. “It’s a powerful protection charm often used in times of fear. The wizard casting it bounds a secret, namely the property of the family that needs to be protected, to a willing person, who then becomes the only one that is able to tell the secret. I haven’t even thought of that spell when the subject came up…  And Dumbledore wants them to cast it?”

“Well, do you have another idea? I don’t like it very much either, but so do they. They won’t be able to leave the house until the war is over. Which, you know, can build up to several years.”

Remus nodded. “It’s probably the only way to ensure their safety,” he mumbled and snuggled back into Sirius’ warm side. “Have they decided on a secret keeper yet?” Sirius started to fidget and Remus leaned back again. He frowned. ”It’s you, isn’t it?”

Sirius nodded. “I told James I’d do it. I’d do anything to protect those three amazing people, but…”

“But what?” Remus gazed into Sirius eyes, which he kept averting. “What’s wrong? Do you have objections? If so, you should tell them. I’m sure they won’t condemn you if you’d prefer to not…”

“That’s not it,” Sirius said rather loudly and smiled apologetic at him. “That’s not what I meant,” he continued on at a softer tone. “I just don’t think it’s the wisest thing to do… choose me, I mean.”

Remus frowned deeply. He shook his head and studied his boyfriend, who had become even paler than before. “What do you mean; it’s not the wisest thing to do? You are their friend and they trust you with their lives – and not only James’ and Lily’s, but Harry’s as well. You are a strong wizard and you are stubborn as hell.”

Sirius snorted. “That’s just it, Remus. I’m their friend and everybody who went to school with us could testify it if necessary. We’ve not made it a secret that we would die just to save each other’s lives. Former Gryffindors as well as the rest of the school know how close we are and that means the apprentice Death Eaters at that time know as well. They’d immediately come for me and torture me to get the information they need.”

“But you wouldn’t tell them,” Remus tried to calm his agitated boyfriend down.

“No, of course not, but it doesn’t exactly make the charm stronger if I die, does it? Everyone I would have told thus far would become the new secret keepers, meaning that probably a good handful of people could tell the Death Eaters where the Potters lived. It would be so much more of a high risk to getting them all exposed and killed. I’m not saying anyone of our friends would do such a thing,” he added hastily as Remus began to scowl, “but not everyone can withstand torture.”

Remus gaze wandered over to the flickering flames that licked around the logs inside the hearth.

“I am their obvious choice and Voldemort knows that. Bet Snivellus has told him all about us already.”

Remus nodded slowly. He could understand where Sirius was coming from and he thought his worries were reasonable. As much as he didn’t like to admit it, he feared that making Sirius the secret keeper might just end four lives at once.

“And what are you planning to do now?” Remus’ gaze fell back onto Sirius, who was watching him with a concentrated look on his face.

“Wormtail. He is perfect. Nobody would suspect little nervous Peter. Everyone will think James made me their secret keeper, which means that the Death Eaters will come after me, but that doesn’t matter, does it? ‘Cause I don’t have a secret to tell. Even if I wanted to – which I don’t – I wouldn’t be able to tell them, because I’m not the secret keeper. They could kill me in a sudden burst of frustration, yes, but that would mean that James, Lily and Harry would still have one secret keeper, namely Peter. They would still be safe.” His eyes had this slightly insane glint in them, which he had always gotten when they had planned and prepared a prank at Hogwarts. But this wasn’t a prank. This was a matter of life or death.

Remus gulped. He wanted to tell him to not do this – to not sacrifice himself to the Death Eaters, but he also had to admit that it was probably their best option to keep their friends safe. _And if it happens that the Death Eaters come after Sirius, he won’t be alone_ , he told himself, trying to ignore the heavy weight in his stomach that was making him feel nauseous. This was war. And now he knew what it felt like to know that maybe even tomorrow, he might have one less loved one around him.

*~*RSJLH*~*

Lily hugged Harry closer as James went over to the fireplace and grabbed a pinch of floopowder.

“I won’t be long,” he said and smiled at his little family. Sirius had left a few hours ago and they had just finished discussing the whole thing and started to stomach it, although it was still something that needed a lot of getting used to. They had both agreed on telling Dumbledore that evening, so that, even though James planned on casting the charm, Dumbledore knew who the secret keeper was; just in case.

Lily walked over to her husband and kissed him on his cheek. Harry giggled and reached up towards his father, wiggling in Lily’s grip. “Dadda!”

James smiled lovingly at his son and pushed a strand of stubborn hair out of the toddler’s big bright green eyes that where looking up at him. “I’ll be back home soon, Harry,” he said and kissed his son on the forehead. Harry grinned at him and reached up with both hands this time, clearly wanting to be cuddled by his father. “We’ll play first thing tomorrow, okay, buddy? Daddy has to talk to Poppa Dumbledore, but I promise I’ll be back in time for your bedtime story. Wouldn’t want to miss kissing you good night.” He grinned and tapped him on the nose. “See you soon. Don’t forget to barricade the floo. I’ll apparate home,” he murmured to Lily, pressed a kiss onto her soft lips, ruffled Harry’s messy hair and disappeared in the fire.

The last thing he saw was a clapping Harry, who grinned widely and pointed at the fire, where his Dad had just vanished.

Lily sighed as she carried Harry into the kitchen and sat him into his high chair. She was worried. Of course, she was worried. She hated the idea that there was a mad lunatic out there, wanting to kill her child just because of some random prophecy. She didn’t even know where the prophecy had come from, who had made it, but she figured it wouldn’t make a huge difference, even if she knew. What could she do if she did know? Nothing. That’s right. She would be trapped inside her own house from the day after tomorrow on, and she would do everything to keep her son safe. Even though, theoretically, she was still allowed to leave the house, she would never leave her baby alone.

She turned to the cabinet and started preparing Harry’s dinner. They had already eaten dinner, but Harry had preferred to just throw his mashed potatoes through the kitchen for his disgruntled mother to clean up. Which meant that he had had nothing proper to eat since lunch and that was not much to go by. She sat down next to her mumbling son, pushed the spoon into warmed up mashed potatoes and spent the next twenty minutes in feeding their precious little sunshine.

Lily froze as she heard someone at the door. They weren’t expecting anyone and James had just left. Even if he was on his way home again, he would just apparate straight into the living room. But others couldn’t do that. Which meant nothing good.

She hurried to carry Harry into his nursery, the knocking was getting more irritated with the minute. “You stay here, okay sweetie? Mummy needs to check who is at the door.” She kissed Harry on the head and made her way down the stairs to the front door, once again cursing that they didn’t have a peephole.

“Who’s there?” She asked, her wand ready, hoping that her voice didn’t betray her nervousness.

“It’s me. The floo was shut down again, so I had to apparate here,” Sirius called through the door. “And please just hurry. It’s getting chilly outside and I prefer my bum to be healthy and not frozen to death.”

Lily chewed on her bottom lip. It sure sounded like Sirius, but she had to check nonetheless. James had told her what kinds of questions needed to be asked. “What were you called in school and what did you get Harry for his birthday?”

“Padfoot. Moony, Wormtail and Prongs are the other lunatics. And I got Harry a plush dog and a toy broomstick, and he seems to love both of them, much to your disapproval,” he snickered and Lily opened the door to herd him in, only to smack him against the head. “Ow! What was that for?”

“For being right,” she huffed and went upstairs to get Harry out of his crib. He was already waiting, standing there patiently and watching the door. “Well done, sweetheart,” she cooed as Harry reached up for her to pick him up.

“Harry, buddy, how’s it going?” Sirius strolled into the room, a big wolfish grin on his face.

Harry started to giggle and wiggle in Lily’s arms. “Pafoo!”

Lily sighed and gave Harry over to his godfather. “There you go.”

After a few minutes that were spent with playing with Harry and letting him ride on Padfoot’s back, Lily frowned. “Was there a special reason that you came over for?”

Sirius grinned at her as Harry attempted to paint a moustache onto the older man’s upper lip with a crayon. “Actually, there was. I wanted to talk to you about that secret keeper thing. I’ve had a brilliant idea.” He laughed as Harry’s crayon moved over his nose. “Now that’s not where you have a beard, Harry. You still have a lot to learn.”

Lily’s frown deepened. “Have you made up your decision about being the secret keeper?” She asked tentatively, watching Harry smear green colour onto Sirius’ face.

Sirius hesitated. “Let’s just wait for James to come home, okay? I’d rather tell you two together. Where is he anyway?”

Lily leaned back on her hands, as she regarded her friend sceptically. “At Hogwarts. He wanted to tell Dumbledore about the spell.”

“Oh…”

But before Lily could reply and ask what he had on his mind, James’ voice called up from the front door. “Honey? I’m back.”

“We’re upstairs,” she called back and picked Harry up. “You two go on into the living room while I put Harry to bed. Then we can talk,” Lily said as she picked her son up and off Sirius’ chest, where he had just been sitting on, drawing circles and lines on his godfather’s face.

Sirius sighed and picked himself up from the floor. Ruffling Harry’s already messy hair, he went out of the nursery and down the stairs to meet James in the hallway, carrying two bottles of cold butterbeer.

“Padfoot!” He exclaimed surprised. “I didn’t know you were here.”

“Yeah,” Sirius scratched his neck sheepishly and moved into the kitchen to get himself a bottle of beer as well. “I wanted to talk to you guys about something important.”

James frowned. “And what is that exactly?”

“That’s what I hope to find out as well. Hey, darling,” Lily smiled and kissed James on the lips softly. “Let’s go into the living room, shall we?”

*~*RSJLH*~*

“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea, Padfoot,” James held onto Lily’s hand as they were sitting in the warm living room. Sirius gazed at them, his expression solemn. He had just told them that he wanted to switch secret keepers. James could understand where he was coming from, but acting upon it… He sighed. There was too much at stake. He trusted Sirius with their lives. He didn’t know whether he did the same with Peter.

“You have to see it that way, Prongs,” Sirius sat up straighter and leaned his elbows onto his knees. “Everyone will think it’s me, meaning that the real secret keeper, namely Peter, won’t be hunted down. They won’t even _think_ to look for him.”

“I understand your idea, Sirius,” James gazed at his friend. He wore a small smile, a _confident_ smile; he was sure his plan was idiot-proof. “But I’m not so sure about whether this really is such a good idea. No, let me finish,” he continued, as Sirius opened his mouth in another try to bury his doubts. “Have you seen Wormtail lately? No, me neither. I don’t know what he’s been up to, but I don’t have a good feeling with this. He wouldn’t tell us where he’s been, have you forgotten? His only reply is that he has some things he has to do or that his mother wants him to come home earlier. _Peter lives on his own, Sirius._ I haven’t been at my parents’ quite that often since I live together with Lily.”

That was true, Sirius had to admit. Peter did act differently. “But he is also more confident in what he does, isn’t he?” Sirius smiled as he saw James’ face drop.

James sighed. Yes, Sirius was right. Peter _was_ more confident, but that didn’t mean that he trusted this situation more than before. He had his doubts and Sirius knew that.

“Hey,” Sirius said, stood up and crouched down in front of his two best friends, who were holding onto each other with a desperate grip. “Have any of my plans ever gone wrong?”

James turned his gaze to Lily, who had an uncomfortable expression on her pretty face. She shook her head.

“Exactly. This is Peter we are talking about. Maybe all of those secrets he has going on are just missions for the order, which he isn’t allowed to talk about.” He thought about Remus and his doubts when it came to his boyfriend’s secrets. It was plausible. It all made sense! Remus wouldn’t tell them what he was doing in those times where he just vanished. He hadn’t even admitted that he was doing something dangerous when he had been just seconds from dying. Sirius gulped as a shiver ran down his spine. The image of Remus lying on the ground, covered in blood and obviously in great pain…

He inhaled shakily and tried to concentrate on the matter at hand. James, Lily and Harry were more important than a now healthy Remus. It was their lives they were talking about right now.

“I want you to be safe,” he said in a soft voice as he glanced at their intertwined hands. He smiled sadly. They didn’t deserve something like this – living in constant fear that their son could be murdered any second and that it was their responsibility to make sure that situation would never occur. “I would love to be your secret keeper, really, I would, but I think you should take Peter instead. It’s safer! They’ll come looking for me anyway, no matter whether I’m the real secret keeper or a fake one. If I were to die, the secret would still be safe, even without me to see you three live a happy life.”

A lone tear slid over his cheek. He sighed deeply and tried to keep his chin from trembling. “You guys are my family. Please, please be safe!”

James and Lily exchanged a silent look. They had to decide – they had to decide quickly.

*~*RSJLH*~*

“Why not?” James and Sirius stood in a far corner of the living room, having a heated discussion about the upcoming ritual. In the background, Lily could be heard as she greeted a nervously squeaking Peter at the front door. “Why don’t you want Dumbledore to know about this? Don’t you think it’s better if we’d tell him?” James’ frown deepened as he looked into Sirius’ grey eyes.

Sirius shook his head deliberately and waved to Peter, who stood in the door frame to the living room, not sure what to do. “If we tell him, we may as well tell everybody,” Sirius whispered. “Let him think I’m the secret keeper. The less people know the better.”

James sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb. The stress was clearly written all over his features; he looked older than his 21 years…

“Alright,” he murmured as Lily ushered Peter into the room and showed him where he should stand. “Alright.”

 _I hope I’m doing the right thing_ , James thought as he went over to where Lily and Peter were standing. Lily handed him a roll of parchment with the incantation. They could do this; _he_ could do this. He _would_ do this for his family!

Nobody noticed Peter fidgeting excitingly, as he tugged at the left sleeve of his jumper absentmindedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Until next time - see ya!


	15. Betrayal

**Betrayal**

Sirius stared out of the window morosely; it was raining… again. Brown leaves covered the street below, people without rain coats or those hideous clothes on a stick that Muggles always held above their heads when it was raining were running over the asphalt rather hectically. He frowned as a ghost and a cat strolled over the pavement, a zombie following their every step. Yes, he knew what a zombie was. He had watched that one moo-vy with Remus where the dead were running around eating people. It had been disgusting.

He shook his head. Muggles were strange. All Hallow’s Eve wasn’t about running around looking like idiots. It was about good food and pranks!

He took a sip from his hot butterbeer, ran his hands through Remus’ soft hair, who was lying with his head in his lap, reading a book that’d been propped up on his stomach and peered through the glass into the darkening sky. The moon was waning, just visible behind the thick dark clouds above. He wondered what James, Lily and Harry were doing right now. Ever since Lily had told James about that hideous Muggle tradition to dress up as things you are definitely not and move about, ringing door bells and asking for sweets when someone opened the door, he had wanted to take Harry trick or treating. He absolutely loved the idea of getting free candy or playing a prank in return. Lily had agreed with him. Dressing Harry up would be fun and they’d be able to take many cute pictures with him dressed as a pirate, the Wizard of Oz, a tomato or – Sirius’ favourite – clad in Puddlemere United Quidditch wear. James had cheered as Sirius had suggested dressing their son as a Chaser, Lily had merely sighed and rolled her eyes, causing Harry to clap his tiny, chubby hands and laugh.

But that would be impossible. Although that evening was tonight and although they’d love to take Harry around the neighbourhood, they knew they couldn’t do it. They’d been hidden under the Fidelius Charm for about a week now, maybe one and a half, which brought all the unfortunate obligations with it – mainly staying indoors and not leaving the property; no matter what. Well, they could go outside and stroll around their little garden, but there was only so much grass to tramp flat.

Right after James had cast the charm, Peter had whispered the location of the Potters’ house into his ear, allowing him to feel less like he was about to vomit from the massive disorientation he had been experiencing. After telling Dumbledore, said old man had giving James and Lily an emergency portkey, in case the Death Eaters happened to find out where they were staying.

James and Lily had started to adept to their new life. Harry had been as happy as ever, crawling about the house, destroying vases, hiding wands and flying around on his broomstick, frightening the poor cat to death.

Sirius sighed as the kids on the streets started laughing loudly, showing off their sweets.

Remus sat up slowly and turned around, so he could study his boyfriend closely. He had been silent for too long, brooding over things he didn’t want to talk about. He looked exhausted, sad and uncomfortable. “What’s wrong?” He asked finally, putting his book aside. He knew his partner. Something was in his mind, keeping him busy.

“I think I’ve made a mistake,” he whispered and buried his face in his hands.

“What do you mean?” A weight so heavy that he had trouble to breathe made itself noticeable in his stomach.

“I haven’t seen Peter since the night of the ritual,” his voice was muffled as he spoke into his hands. “He’s been nervous that night. He was fidgeting throughout the whole ritual and he was even more nervous when James asked him to tell Dumbledore. As if he was afraid of him… I couldn’t place it then, but…” His voice trailed off as his thoughts went back to that eventful and fateful night at the beginning of October. “If I think back to it now…”

Remus crawled over to him and put a comforting arm around his shoulder, pulling a trembling Sirius into a tight hug.

“What if I made a mistake in judging him? What if there’s something wrong with Peter? That it’s been him all along? That he’s been the one to give Voldemort all of the information from the Order’s plans and missions, information about who is a member… What if I have condemned James, Lily and Harry’s life to… I’ve trusted…” A sob wrecked through him body.

Remus stared at the hearth in front of them, the laughing kids all but forgotten. The flames flickered in the fireplace; innocently beautiful, but yet full of potential danger. He frowned as he tried to think of every little movement Peter had made during the last few years, his reactions to the deaths of Order members, to the torture of families and friends… his reaction to the prophecy and what Sirius had told him about his reaction as James had asked him to become the secret keeper instead.

Nervous, little Peter, always following the rest of them around school, laughing when they laughed, running when they ran, nodding when they wanted his opinion; never disagreeing, always smiling… Remus’ frown deepened. What had Lily said a few weeks ago? He seemed more confident. Yes, that was true. The scared Pater that could be intimidated so easily was gone and in his wake was a stronger Peter; a Peter who dared to answer back and roll his eyes when everyone else laughed.

He was more silent, more interested in their everyday lives than he had ever been before. He made excuses to leave earlier, to not pick Harry up from the ground to put him into the playpen. His watery eyes lacked the warmth he had been used to seeing in them…

Thinking about all of the things, a strange feeling flooded through Remus’ veins, making him feel as if he was being dipped into ice cold water, as if every cell was being stupefied just before the attack of a Dementor.

He gasped. He sprang to life, pulled Sirius up with him and dragged him over to the closet which held their cloaks.

“We have to pay a visit to Peter,” he said, throwing Sirius’ cloak in his boyfriend’s general direction, ignoring the muffled cry as it hit him straight in the face and moved to wrap his own tattered cloak around his now slightly trembling shoulders. He didn’t even want to think about what it meant if Sirius’ suspicions were correct. He couldn’t.

*~*RSJLH*~*

Hurrying through the now dark streets of eastern London, Remus cursed the Secrecy Law, which didn’t allow them to apparate right in front of a building inhabiting Muggles. Skipping over yellow, mushy leaves he nearly lost his footing and Sirius had to catch him before his head hit the hard pavement. Remus nodded thankful as Sirius hurriedly helped him up again. The street lamp above them gave the nearly empty street an eerie feeling.

Sirius looked over his shoulder as he pulled Remus to his feet and pushed him forward. They had to hurry. This didn’t feel right at all.

When they arrived at the right floor, they sprinted down the corridor in search for Peter’s apartment. The door was shut.

_Knock, knock, knock._

“Damn it, Pete, open up!” Sirius hissed and banged against the door again.

_Bang, bang, bang._

No response.

Remus huffed, the feeling in his stomach that told him they had made a huge mistake becoming stronger and stronger with each minute that passed. He pulled out his wand, murmured “ _Alohomora_ ” and kicked the door in.

The flat looked like always. The furniture was cheap and ugly, but in one piece. Sirius hurried over to the bedroom door, Remus checked the living room and the kitchen. Everything was clean; too clean. The usual dirty mug wasn’t standing on the little kitchen table, nor was the plate with the left over scrambled eggs his mother used to make him. He ripped open every single cabinet; only to find them empty. Hurrying back into the living room, he saw an empty bookcase, an empty cabinet, a cold sofa. His heartbeat escalated. _No. Please no!_

“Nothing!” Sirius came running out of the bedroom over to where Remus was trying to get his breathing back under control. “Nothing. No clothes, no toiletries… _There is fucking nothing left in this fucking apartment!”_  He yelled, pulled at his hair in frustration. “ _That bastard_ ,” he hissed, looking ready for murder. “I’ll kill him!” And with that he grabbed Remus’ hand and turned on the spot, apparating them to the one place they dreaded the most – Godric’s Hollow.

*~*RSJLH*~*

James yawned as he watched Lily enter the living room with Harry in her arms. She put their son into the playpen, gave him a kiss on his forehead and walked over to where James was waiting for her, smiling.

“I missed you,” he pouted as Lily rolled her eyes at him, but cuddled up to him nonetheless.

They watched their son play with a miniature broom from his _Little Wizard and Witches Quidditch Set_ happily, as after a few minutes Lily sighed loudly and looked up to James, who was raising his brows at her. “What is it?”

Lily shook her head and went back to watching Harry play. “I just wish we could give him a normal life,” she smiled sadly as Harry yawned widely. A little Bludger flew up to his face and began bouncing up and down on his little nose. Harry frowned.

“I know,” James kissed Lily on the temple and stood up to safe his son from the rogue toy Bludger that Harry was now trying to catch with his chubby little hands. “Come here, buddy,” he said as he bent down. Harry grinned as he saw his father and raised both arms in an obvious command to be picked up. James chuckled as Harry buried his face in the crook of his father’s neck. “You’re tired, aren’t you, little man?”

Lily smiled at her two boys. She didn’t know what she would do without them. “Here, let me take him to bed,” she heaved herself up from the soft couch and went over to her family. “Say good night to Daddy,” she cooed at Harry, who immediately received a kiss from his father.

“Good night, cutie,” he muttered in a soft voice as his son grinned at him widely, showing off his white teeth proudly. “Have sweet dreams.”

*~*RSJLH*~*

As soon as his feet his stone, he was able to breathe again. Looking around, he found himself in the middle of the street leading to the James, Lily and Harry’s house. He looked up into Sirius grim face, who nodded once and ran down the street, Remus just a metre behind him and that’s when he saw it.

High above the house was a bright green skull. The snake slithered through its open mouth, hissing at the stars. The sick green light illuminated the cottage beneath. The door was blasted out of its hinges. The kitchen and living room windows were broken.

Sirius couldn’t breathe. _No! No, no, no, this can’t be happening!_ A blood-curling scream echoed through the night, followed by another scream and a high laugh.

Remus and Sirius exchanged a gaze. Voldemort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Until next time - see ya!


	16. Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really get feedback, so I don't know whether you like this story or even read it. This is the second to last chapter. Enjoy.

**Halloween**

James gasped as the front door blew open. Dust and wood flew through the air, taking his sight and breath. Lily screamed and ran over to where Harry sat paralysed in his playpen. James jumped up and ran into the hallway, reaching for his wand and preparing to fight.

“Lily, it’s him! Take Harry and run! I’ll hold him off,” he yelled and shot a blinding hex in Voldemort’s direction.

The dark wizard in front of him just cackled maliciously and watched Lily run up the stairs, Harry safely in her arms. “Potter,” he hissed, an evil smirk on his face as he took another step into their home.

James raised his wand. “ _Impedimenta_.” The spell flew through the air and bounced off of Voldemort’s shield, causing the latter to laugh loudly.

“What was that supposed to be, Potter? I thought you could do better.” He took another step forward, his hand holding the wand twitched, itching to cast the deadly curse.

“Go fuck yourself,” James yelled and transfigured Harry’s pram into a thick metal spear, which shot towards Voldemort, who shook his head disappointedly and with a wave of his hand, the spear exploded in a dark cloud of dust.

James coughed as he tumbled backwards. He grabbed onto the banister of the wooden stairs to prevent himself from falling and thus from putting himself into an even more dangerous position than he was already in. Gasping for air, he dragged himself into a standing position and winced as his right foot hit the ground. Pieces of the exploding metal had dug themselves into his thigh, leaving a bleeding gash behind.

Through the cloud he could see Voldemort moving, but before he could regain his senses, he heard his cackling voice and collapsed in a wave of immense and unbelievably intense pain. “ _Crucio_.”

Voldemort laughed as James writhed on the floor, trying desperately not to scream. The pain ended as suddenly as it had started. He panted as he tried to get enough air into his lungs; each breath burned like thousand knives.

“Let me through,” the monster’s voice was low, nearly soft as he whispered those words into James’ ear. He shivered. _Never_ , he wanted to say. _I’ll never let you get to my family._

“Over my dead body,” he winced as he tried to pull himself upwards. Lily’s desperate tries to barricade the door to Harry’s nursery where the only sounds he could hear next to his wheezing breathing.

“That can be arranged.”

James panted heavily as he dragged himself towards the stairs. He would protect his family; he would protect his sweet Lily and adorable, little Harry! He would protect his wife and son! He couldn’t think of anything else. He limped up the stairs as another Cruciatus Curse hit him in the back. With a yell of pain, he toppled backwards and back down the stairs, landing at Voldemort’s feet. He didn’t know whether he screamed, he couldn’t remember it, but as the pain stopped, the soreness of his throat was a dead giveaway.

Lily’s sobs and Harry’s whimpers could be heard clearly from upstairs. Why was she still in the house? They needed to get the hell out of there! He wasn’t sure how long he could manage to hold Voldemort off!

He screamed as Voldemort stepped into his injured leg. With a loud _crack_ the bone broke into two pieces. James gasped, but didn’t dare to move. “ _Crucio_.” He didn’t know where he was, he didn’t know who he was or why he was where he was; he just knew that he wanted it to end! He wanted the unbearable pain to end, so he wouldn’t have to suffer anymore.

Voldemort chuckled as he broke the curse and looked down at a broken James Potter, who lay trembling and bleeding at his feet. “You’ve lost, blood traitor,” he hissed as he bent down, so the piece of scum could hear him before he killed his son; so that he would know it was his fault that his precious little boy had died. “You have lost and Dumbledore isn’t here to help you.”

He didn’t care what Voldemort was saying, he didn’t care that he couldn’t move one single muscle without feeling immense pain erupting in them, he didn’t care whether he would die; he needed to make sure that Lily and Harry got out safe and that Voldemort wouldn’t get to them!

He pulled himself up, ignored the searing pain that shot through his body and hurried up the stairs, a cackling Voldemort right behind him. “ _Stupefy_ ,” he gasped and pointed his wand over his shoulder, hoping he’d manage to hit the man who wanted to kill his family.

 _“Bombarda_ ,” James threw himself onto the floor and felt the curse whoosh over him, singeing his hair. The spell hit the wall right next to Harry’s door, breaking both the wall and the door. Lily screamed.

James dragged himself up and whirled around as he saw a grinning Voldemort march over to where he stood in front of the gaping hole in the wall. “You’ll never get to my family,” he whispered and raised both arms, trembling all over. “You’ll never get Harry.”

Voldemort threw his head back and barked out a loud laugh. “And how do you plan to prevent me from doing so? Without a wand?”

James’ eyes found his wand on the floor, several feet from him and right next to where the maniac was standing. He gulped. Voldemort was right. He couldn’t protect his family without his wand, but he would be damned if he didn’t die trying!

With a swish of his wand, Voldemort banished James into Harry’s room, causing him to crash into the opposite wall, destroying Harry’s cot. James winced as a piece of wood dug itself into his already injured and probably broken leg. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Lily standing against the bookshelf, Harry pressed tightly against her chest, silent tears running down her flushed cheeks. He tried to shoot her an ensuring smile, but instead started screaming as another Cruciatus hit its goal.

Panting, he pulled the piece of wood out of his leg. Voldemort cackled as he strolled into the room, eyeing his wife and son. “Don’t you fucking dare,” James hissed and was immediately pushed back with a slapping curse. His head jerked backwards against the wall, causing his sight to waver and his eyes to water.

“Now, now, now, didn’t your parents teach you any manners?” Voldemort asked as he twirled his wand around in his hands. “Purebloods must know how to behave themselves or did your Mudblood wife pollute you more than just your son?”

James glared at Voldemort as he bent down to look him in the eye. “I know what you’re thinking, blood traitor. But I won’t grant your wish for mercy, oh no, I won’t. Instead, I want you and your little Mudblood here to watch your halfblood son _die_.”

James jerked forward, only to stop immediately as the tip of Voldemort’s wand pointed towards Lily and Harry. “Tsk, where are your manners?”

James froze as he saw a movement in the hallway. “I-I’m here, Master,” Peter scurried into the room and stared at the sight in front of him; James bleeding heavily, fighting to stay conscious on the floor, a crying Lily kneeling in the corner, Harry in her arms and Voldemort’s wand pointed at them. He gulped. He thought he didn’t have to watch his friends die, but only the boy lose his life…

“Hello, James, Lily,” he mumbled as he hurried to stand against one wall of the room to watch the happenings.

James gaped at him. “How-How could you do that to us, Peter?” He whispered, his voice was barely understandable. “Why? We trusted you?”

Peter flushed bright red, fidgeting under the stare of who he until a few months ago had called his best friend. “I’m sorry, James,” he trembled as Voldemort turned his glare towards him. “Master?” He bowed down low, ignoring the looks of disgust he got from James and Lily.

“Confine the Mudblood. I will not touch her.”

“Yes, Master,” Pettigrew bowed down and hurried over to Lily, who flinched violently as she saw him come nearer.

“Just the Mudblood. I need the boy to stay there.”

“No!” James tried to drag himself out of the remnant of Harry’s cot, but found he couldn’t move a muscle. He yelled angrily, causing Voldemort to wave his wand towards him, conjuring thick robes around his body.

Lily kicked and struggled with all her might until Pettigrew cast a shaky Leg-lock curse and started to pull her over to the other side of the room. “Leave him alone!” She screamed, hitting, scratching, biting Peter as he continued to drag her away from her son. “Leave him alone! Take me instead! Kill me!”

“I’ll keep that offer in mind,” Voldemort smiled evilly and slowly pointed his wand to the softly crying Harry, who looked at his parents with big, wet eyes. He whimpered.

James struggled against his ropes, but it was no use. He couldn’t move one centimetre. “No!”

Voldemort cackled loudly, turned towards Harry and murmured the curse in an almost loving voice. “ _Avada Kedavra_.”

“ _NO!”_

*~*RSJLH*~*

An explosion blasted the whole right section of the house into pieces. Remus and Sirius stared at the pieces of wood and stone that came raining down, knowing very well what part of the house that had been.

They didn’t wait any second longer. Sirius took Remus by the hand and started to sprint towards the home of his best friends and godson. The door was blasted out of its hinges and lay on the ground a few metres away from the frame. The hallway was littered with dust, remnants of wood, stone and for some reason something that looked like metal. A small pool of blood indicated that someone, probably James, had been injured at the foot of the stairs.

Remus’ heart seemed to stop as he saw the interior of his friends’ house. He couldn’t breathe. Sirius’ hand in his gripped his so tightly he couldn’t feel his fingers anymore. A piercing scream ripped them both out of their state of shock. They shot each other a glance and hurried up the stairs. The upper hallway didn’t look better that the bottom one – blood, wood and stone pieces everywhere. They ran towards Harry’s nursery; the door was blasted out of the frame.

A rat scurried out of the room, through the hallway and towards the stairs. “Wormtail,” Sirius hissed and lunched at the rat.

“Sirius, no!” Remus pulled him back, letting the traitor flee. Sirius glared at him. “We have to look whether…” He gulped, but Sirius understood. He started trembling even more.

The inside of the once beautifully decorated nursery was completely destroyed. There was a gaping hole in one of the walls, one wall was even missing completely. Parts of the floor had been blown away in the explosion, leaving the surrounding floor instable and dangerous to walk on. A crying and bleeding Harry sat in one corner of the room, holding his arms out for his Mummy to pick him up and kiss the wound on his forehead – a lightning bolt shaped wound. Lily, miraculously unharmed apart from a few scratches and superficial wounds, crawled over the floor towards Harry and hugged her son tightly, crying softly into his black hair.

Remus gasped as his eyes wandered over to the spot where Harry’s cot had stood. The crumbled form of James Potter lay beneath the wood and stone, bleeding heavily and obviously unconscious.

“James!” Sirius let go of his hand and let himself fall onto the ground next to James. “No! No, please! Please be alive! You can’t be dead!” He sobbed as he pulled the debris away from his injured friend and tugged him into a tight embrace. “James,” he whispered and pushed some strands of jet-black hair out of his face. His glasses were gone and there was a huge gash on his temple. Sirius put a trembling hand onto his neck, feeling for a pulse. He cried out loud when he found one.

“He’s alive,” he sobbed and hugged his friend even tighter. “He’s alive! You’re all alive! Thank Merlin. Thank you!”

“Sirius,” Remus’ soft voice drifted into his ears. He was helping Lily onto her feet carefully. “We have to get them to St. Mungo’s.”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.” He sniffled as he glanced down at James, who was still unconscious, but breathing.

“You’ll be alright, mate. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Until next time - see ya!


	17. Someone Special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And on with the last chapter. I hope those that are reading this right now have enjoyed this story.  
> Have fun with the last chapter - Someone Special.

**Someone Special**

Soft whispers could be heard from somewhere to her left, trying not to wake her up. She was surrounded by soft material, obviously a very comfy bed, and was not in any mood whatsoever to open her eyes. Where was she anyway? The air smelled clean; of antiseptic and cleaning potions…

With a flash of light in front of her inner eye, she remembered what had happened; the evening with Harry and James in their sitting room, her fear of what might come, the screams of her husband getting tortured, Peter, the green light and Harry’ cries. _Harry!_

Her eyes flew open and bright light blended her, taking any sense of orientation. “Harry,” she whispered, trying desperately to sit up. “Harry.” Her voice got louder, more panicked.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” Remus took hold of her hand and smiled at her while he did his best to push the desperate mother back into her bed. “Harry’s okay. Everything’s alright.”

“I need to see him,” she gasped as pain shot through her stomach. Her hand grabbed her middle section as she threw her legs over the bed’s edge. “I have to see my son!”

“He is sleeping, Lily. Sirius is with him. Please, calm down,” Remus’ voice was calm, coaxing her back onto her bed. Upon seeing Lily’s frightened expression, he squeezed her hand encouragingly. “I’ll go get him.”

Sighing softly, she allowed herself to lean back against the headboard and took her time to look around the room for the first time since she had woken up. White walls accentuated the bright light that came through the windows on one side of the room. There were three chairs and a table, which was full with flowers, cards and sweets. She turned her head to the right and saw another bed.  _James._

Her husband was ghostly pale, dark bruises littered his exposed skin. A lot of nearly healed scratches covered his pale skin, making her remember what kind of injuries he had gotten while trying his best to protect his family. A sob slipped out of her throat as she listened to the steady _beep, beep, beep_ that came from the lights flying around his whole body and over his chest, making sure he was stable.

“James?” Her voice broke. He didn’t stir. Slowly, she climbed out of her bed, ignoring her sore limbs and shuffled over to his bed, taking a seat next to him. His hand was cold, she started to tremble. His breathing was soft; his chest rose and fell regularly. She closed her eyes and kissed his cheek, wishing for him to wake up. “Remus said Harry’s alright,” she murmured, stroking her husband’s hair out of his forehead lovingly. She smiled softly. “You saved our lives, darling. We love you so much.”

“Mama!”

She whirled around and jumped up, ignoring the dizzy spell it gave her. Remus, carrying her son, closely followed by Sirius entered the room and grinned as Harry immediately reached for his mother. “Hey, sweetie,” she cooed and hugged her baby to her chest as tightly as she could, littering kisses all over his face. Harry squirmed and pointed at James, who was lying in the bed behind them. “Papa see’?”

“Yes, Daddy is very sick. That’s why he’s sleeping, so he can get well soon,” she fought the tears that threatened to creep their way into her eyes and down her cheeks. She had to stay strong for Harry. He shouldn’t see his Mummy break down over his Daddy.

“How are you, Lil?” Sirius sat down on her bed and patted the blanket next to him, smiling softly.

She sniffed and walked over to him unsteadily. Sighing, she took a seat, careful not to joggle Harry too much, who had his face buried in the crook of her neck and was playing with a loose strand of her hair absentmindedly, always keeping his father in the corner of his eye to make sure he would get healthy soon. “I’m fine,” she said, wincing slightly as a numb pain in her side told her otherwise. “Just a bit sore.”

“Well, you fought quite a fight with Pettigrew. Guess he didn’t only harm Harry after all…” Sirius tabbed Harry’s nose, causing him to giggle. “The heeler said you have a bruised kidney, as well as a few minor contusions. Nothing too serious. They wanted you to stay here nevertheless, though. Just to make sure you’re not in shock or something.”

Lily nodded slowly, caressing Harry’s soft hair. She had come out of this whole disaster relatively unharmed. James, she found out, had a severe concussion, a few broken ribs as well as a broken femur. Bruises and scratches, as well as a few deeper wounds were the lesser worries, though. The effects of his time under the Cruciatus Curse worried the medical staff more than anything else, along with some rather serious internal bleedings.

 _“We do not know whether he’ll be the same after he wakes up,”_ one healer had told Remus, who had watched over his two friends worriedly. _“It may have caused damage to some of his neurons, we cannot tell yet. We’ll just have to wait and see.”_

*~*RSJLH*~*

Later that day, James had not woken up yet. The healers couldn’t tell them when he’d wake up, but said they could stay at the hospital for as long as they wanted. Lily transfigured two of the three chairs into beds, widening the room just a little bit, so there would still be enough room to move about. Harry would sleep with her since she refused to let go of him.

“Sirius?” Remus sat down next to his boyfriend and studied him worriedly. He had not said anything for the past two hours, which was very suspicious indeed; Sirius always had something he wanted the world to know.

The dark-haired wizard jumped as Remus put his hand on his thigh, squeezing it gently. “Wormtail,” he mumbled as he glanced at Remus. He frowned. “That bastard betrayed James, Lily and Harry. They trusted him with their lives and what did he do to thank them? He ran to Voldemort and told him where they were so he could kill them! They very nearly died yesterday. All of them. And the healers aren’t even sure whether James will make it or not…”

His gaze wandered over to the bed at the window, where James still lay unconscious. The light orbs were zooming over his body, checking his heartbeat and breathing. Were they to stop moving… Sirius gulped.

“I’m scared, Remmy,” he whispered in a trembling voice. Remus wrapped his arm around him and hugged him close. “I’m scared that we’ll lose him.”

“I know.” The werewolf pulled his boyfriend into a tight embrace, rubbing his back gently as his body was shaking with suppressed sobs as to not wake Lily and Harry. “I know…”

A weak moan from the other side of the room got their attention and they turned around quickly to see James stirring. He knitted his brows together and groaned softly. Sirius stared at him for a moment before jumping up and hurrying over to his friend’s bed. Remus went over to Lily and Harry, shaking her softly. “Lily! Lily, wake up. James is stirring!”

“What?” Lily sat up straight, scurried off her bed and ran over to James to grab his hand. “James? James, darling, can you hear me?”

James took a deep breath, but other than that didn’t give them any sign that he might have heard her.

“Open your eyes, love. Come on, open your eyes.” Lily stared at her husband and squeezed his hand.

“James?” Sirius put his hand on his shoulder and shook his gently.

Remus watched them from Lily’s bed, not wanting to overwhelm James, were he to wake up soon. He didn’t want him to get a heart attack when he saw all of those people looming over his unconscious body… He knew what it felt like if people did that. It wasn’t pleasant.

A sleepy sigh distracted him and Remus turned around to see Harry stirring. His little face scrunched up as he regained consciousness, grabbing hold of the warm, fluffy blanket. “Dada?” His tired voice got Sirius and Lily’s attention; the latter stood up and picked up her son, smiling lovingly at him.

“Hey, Harry,” she kissed him on his new scar, still hoping that kisses would help it heal, although the healers said it would never fully disappear. She carried him over to James’ bed and sat down next to it. Harry, upon seeing his father, reached forward and wiggled in his mother’s arms until she sat him down right next to James.

Harry looked down at his father with such a solemn expression, Remus had to smile. Seeing a toddler look that serious wasn’t often, especially if that toddler was called Harry Potter. Harry was a really happy kid, always laughing and giggling. The little boy put one hand on his Daddy’s hand and the other on his cheek, pricking it softly. “Dadda? Wake!”

Lily smiled softly as she saw her son trying to wake his comatose father up. He kept prodding his cheek and hitting his hand with his tiny ones. Tears welled up in her eyes. He understood the current situation just as well as they did – maybe not the extent of James’ injuries, but he did know that there was something wrong with his Daddy and he wanted him to be alright again. It broke her heart seeing him like this; kids of his age weren’t supposed to experience such things as fear for loved ones. But seeing her son like this made it really clear that Harry was different than other children. He was special.

“Harry?” Lily gasped and jumped up as Harry squealed happily and started to jump up and down on the mattress.

“James!” Thick, relieved tears rolled down her pale cheeks as she saw the love of her life slowly open his eyes and squint at them, smiling weakly as Harry threw himself around his Daddy’s neck.

“Hey, buddy,” he whispered and slowly raised an arm to put around Harry’s back to pull him closer.

“Dadda,” Harry grinned a toothy grin and nuzzled into the embrace, hiding his little face in the crook of his Daddy’s neck.

All would be alright, she thought as she watched her two boys through the tears that ran down her cheeks, a smile on her face. They would have a future; something she hadn’t been so sure of just a few minutes ago.

“Ah, you’re awake, Mr Potter,” the healer said, as he strolled into the room, having been alerted by the light orbs around James’ body that he was conscious. “Let’s check you up, shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Until next time - see ya!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it!
> 
> Until next time - see ya :D


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